OUR EXCLUSIVE KEEP BREXITING AND CARRY ON T-SHIRTS SELL OUT
The Thun - The Times spoof

North Korea Enjoys National Day Of Total Silence

You could literally hear a pin drop in hermit state North Korea today as a National Day of Total Silence was declared.

"A National Day Of Total Silence has never been attempted in a dirty noisy Western country," according to a proud looking North Korean newsreader, his speech silenced with subtitles at the bottom of the screen..

In a day of total silence cars are not allowed on the roads. Bicycles have their bells taken off by the police, and even the snipping sounds of scissors in barber shops are quietened at the risk of being shot.

A National Day Of Total Silence is held annually in North Korea.

If Kim Jong Un was to declare nuclear war today it will be completely unexpected, according to a North Korean expert.

The build up to war continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Ryan Air 'Outside Of Plane Toilets' Is Fake News, Says CEO it seems there was an error: The Donald Trump oversized tennis outfit racket and balls set advertised in the section to the right of the article retails at £56.99, we are happy to set the record straight.

SPECIAL ADVERTISING GIVEAWAY: IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY WITH SPREADABLE PHILLIDELPHIA DANNY DEVITO PASTRY MOLD FOR EVERY READER
Daily Excrement - Daily Express

Donald Trump Is Not Telling Anyone What He Is Doing Next

Donald Trump kept to one of his campaign pledges to not tell foreign countries what he is going to do next, to keep everyone on their toes.

This includes Kim Jong Un, but also includes other world leaders, apart from Theresa May.

"If I tell foreign leaders what I'm going to do next they work out ways of making what I want to do go all wrong," said the President, 71.

"So, for instance, if I am playing golf then they will think that I'm not going to declare a nuclear war. If I am going to declare nuclear war then the last place anybody will expect me to do it is on a golf course. So that is the most likely place I would do it. Or I might not do it there at all because they are expecting it. I'm not telling you until I do it. and I'm not telling you I'm not doing it either, so get that fake news look off your face," said President Trump.

The end of North Korea approaches.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

Disney's Up is not Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump, confirms executive

Sales of Bomb Shelters Go Through Roof

Numbers Of People Buying Bomb Shelters Explode

IS IT TIME TO RENAME NORTH KOREA ON THE MAPS, ASKS WORLD MAP MAKER FOR 2019 EDITION
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

They criticise Mr Trump for playing too much golf during these times of imminent nuclear war, but I think he is doing the right thing. They say that war is like a game of golf, or so my teachers used to tell me. Oh, hang on a minute, isn't it cricket that is like war? Yes... it's cricket isn't it? Doh! Totally ruins the thrust of my argument. Huh!

Yours, Benny Jones

Dear Sir,

Your article comparing and contrasting Disney's Up to Donald Trump as the old guy and Kim Jong Un as his young male friend made me weep with laughter. Bravo!

Yours, Jerry McEditor

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Dear Sir,

If Kim Jong Un becomes a surprise guest on Celebrity Big Brother is that a good sign or a bad sign?

Yours, Montgomery Churchill III