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	Satire Archive 2009 Other years: [2012] [2011] [2010] [2009] [2008] [2007] [2006] [2005] [2004] [2003]
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December
	Will The Last Banker To Leave The Country Please Let The Door Smack Them In The Rear + Bankers Should Be Taxed Until They Cry + *Our 'Riot Against The Bankers' Campaign Starts Today Cowell Says 'Let Me Decide Election' + X Factor Joe To Be New Teen Sensation, Shouts Cowell + Cowell: I Will Make Joe McElderry Prime Minister X Factor Vs Rage Against Machine Makes For A Very Sony Xmas + Sony Only Winner In X Factor Vs Rage Against The Machine Scam + Joe McElderry Urged To Say F* On BBC National Radio
November
	*Gordon Brown Says 'Cnt' In TV Interview + Gordon Brown To Sack PR Advisor And Go It Alone Following Second Grieving Relative PR Disaster In Two Days YouTube Release 'Jedward Patch' + Jedward Support Grows + "I Will Leave The Country If Jedward Wins" Says Simon Cowell Katie Price: "I've Proved My Knockers Wrong" + Katie Should Now Listen To Her Knockers, Following Jungle Humbling + Katie Boobs With Early Exit Exclusive: Lord's To Be Renamed + Exclusive: Wembley To Be Renamed + Exclusive: Cornwall To Be Renamed**
October
	Button Pressed Until End + What's Eating Dear Old Jan Moir? + Katie Price Wins Mother Of The Year Award It's The Sun Wot FKed It* Expense Scandal MP In Screaming Fit At Party Leader + MPs Told: Pay Expenses Back Or Public To Be Allowed To Throw Tomatoes And Eggs At You + Expense Scandal MP Bites Police Dog Dave's Flower Pot Past Is Nothing To Do With The Bloody BBC + Boris Fails To Deny Cameron Threw Flower Pot Through Window While At Uni + Cameron In Flower Pot And Champers Ban Flouting BBC Defends New 'Jeremy Kyle' 'Question Time' Format + Nick Griffin, Dear, Give Us Your Diet Tips! + BBC Is Rubbish For Not Asking What Nick Griffin Thinks About Striking Black Posties Posties Aim To Disrupt Internet Today + Union Warns: Each Time You Click On The Internet, A Postie Dies + Post Union Calls For End To Internet
September
	Calls For Derren Brown To Resign Following Lottery Explanation 'Insult' + TV's Derren Must Explain His Explanation + Derren Deep In The Brown Stuff Gordon Brown Uses C Word In Speech To TUC + Gordon Brown Is A Complete Cut + TUC In C Word Barrage From PM Gordon Bennett, Brown, We're Backing The Cons! + Is Gordon Brown On Drugs? + The Sun Flip Flops Over To The Cons, Bastards Sugarbabe Singer Disappears + Bloodgate, Crashgate And Now Babegate, Gawd Blimey Hell + Sugarbabes Must Be Left To Collapse, Says Illegal MP3 Downloader BBC Old Fool To Be Replaced By Ginger Nut + Once Fired Chris Evans To Get Second Chance On Radio 2, Why Oh Why Oh Why? + Wogan Retires At 71
August
	Bank Bonus Bollocks + Bank Bonus Ban Bashed + Bugger The Bank Bonuses! It Would Be Insane To Regulate The Hooli-Banks Any More, Says Bank Experts + What Is The Difference Between The Millwall And West Ham Hooligans, And The Banks Who Lost Billions? + Bradford And Bungled Shareholders To Face Beating By Football Hooligans Big Brother House Repossessed + Channel Four Announce Programmes To Merge In Costs Clampdown + Katie Price, Alex Reid And Peter Andre Signed Up For Celeb BB Hero Parsnip Saved My Eye Sight, Says Madrid TV Chef Dimitri + Could Parsnips Hold Cure To Cancer? + Free Parsnip For Every Reader Inside Today Scotland To Release All Libyan Zoo Animals + RBS, Bank of Scotland And Now The Lockerbie Bomber Guy Is Freed... + Thank Goodness The Lockerbie Bomber Guy Has Been Released UFO Link To Royal Bank Of Scotland + Flying Objects Link To Katie Price + UFO Message To Britain
July
	Arse Ceiling Blocking Top Porn Jobs + 'It's A Big Ask', BBC Apologizes For Blooper + Top Austrian Model To Sue Sasha Baron Cohen Bernie Ecclestone - Another Apology David Cameron Twit Comment 'Obscene' + Cameron Swears On National Radio + Cameron Says TWAT On Live Radio It Don't Matter Wot He Done, Our Gazza Is Innocent + Free Gary McKinnon! + Yanks Hiding A Secret Space Station, Says Our Gary Helicoptergate: Tories Showed Taliban Detailed Blueprints For British Helicopters In 1996 + Helicoptergate: MoD Bought 15 Helicopters For Delivery To Taliban + 'Helicopter Futures' Rocket On News British Government In Market Andy Coulson Frequently 'Hacked' Into His Own Phone While He Was Editor Of The 'Hurled' + Half Of All Voicemail Pin Codes Today Are 0000, The Rest 1234 Says Private I + "Voicemail Hack Saved My Life", Says Big Chested Model From Enfield M15 Reduce Security Threat By 0.23% + M15 Reduces Security Threat From 'Highly Likely' To 'Strongly Possible' + M15 Reduce Security Threat From Flashing Red To Just Red
June
	Big Brother Crisis As Audience Falls To 3 + Big Brother Contestant Dies In House, Left For Three Days Scorcher + Big Brother Tits Out In Heatwave Shocker Following Death Tragedy Setanta Collapses, Lives On Abroad + Setanta Pulls Plug + Setanta Sort Of Goes Bust Flamed Geezer - Today's Page 9 Fella + Chipper Piers To Join Blobbendales + Piers Morgan Picture Is Fake I'm Worried About SuBo, Says SiCo + Susan Boyle May Never Sing Again, Says Priory Doctor + Susan Boyle To Team Up With Amy Winehouse Labour's Fight Back Starts Today... Boris Watch...
May
	SNOUTGATE! + MP Expenses Fiasco: Why Sorry Isn't Enough Any More + MPs Should Get Double Their Drinkies Expense Claims, They Are All Worth It Dear Deidre Special: How To Catch 'Squeal Like A Pig' Flu, A Guide + Here's Something To Really Moan About Special: Banker Flu!!! + Flu Advice: One Sneeze 'Use A Tissue', Two Sneezes 'Go To Bed For Three Days' Today We Publish The Full Names And Addresses Of All Cheating MPs + One MP Claimed For A False Leg Even Though He Has Two Legs Shocker + 17 MPs Used False Names To Make Expenses Claims MPs Told To Remove Shoes, Belts, Before Entering Commons For Crunch Speaker Speech + Calls for Speaker Martin To Go, Set For Tense Commons Whinging Session + MP: I Was Forced To Claim Mortgage Interest Even Though I Didn't Want To Banks To Be Forced To Work On Bank Holidays, Says Brown In Latest YouTube Outburst + Why Should The Banks Get Bank Holidays Off? + Lazy Bankers!
Apr
	Database Of '100 Years Of Tory Sleaze' Hinted At By Email From Number 10 + Senior Tory Party Members Criticised For Having "Boring Families" + Further Details Of Labour's Secret Plans To Make George Osborne's Wife Fret Revealed Banking Crisis Post-It Note From Chancellor To PM To Be Auctioned On Ebay To Help Fund Deficit + Un Ruddy Believable! What A Load Of Old Poo + What A Load of Old Poo. Un Ruddy Believable!
Mar
	FTSE 100's Got The Best Pair Of Knockers In History + FTSE 100 'Wobbles About Like A Jelly On A Plate' + House Prices Set To Rise 15% This Year, says Editor Review of Lesbian Vampire Killers + Lesbian Vampire Killers - Why Oh Why Oh Why? + Lesbian Vampire Killers Is Our Film Of The Year! Sterling Crisis: BofE Printers Run Out Of Ink + Bank Of England Stops Printing Money + Tenners In Trouble Sir Fred To Keep Pension and Any Office Supplies He Took From The Office + Sir Fred Goodwin Wins Lotto Jackpot Of £7mn + Badfartleys Bank To Apologise, Give All Outstanding Mortgages Away To Customers
Feb
	Police To Make Banker Register Available To Public + Tell Us Where The Bankers Live! + It's Time For Some Good Old Fashioned British Justice! Brown Steps In To Curb RBS Staff Toilet Breaks + All 'Bonarse Bankers' Must Pay Their Bonuses Back + Banking Crisis: So What Have We Learned Huh? SHITV Apologise For Ad Break While Goal Being Scored + Shop On Royal Sandringham Estate Apologises After Discovering Golliwogs Have Been On Sale There For Last 12 Months + House Prices Rise 1.9% In January Says World's Most Toxic Bank Public Relations Agency Gives Lessons On 'Effective Sorrying' In The Media, To Bankers + "I Hope I Look Extremely Utterly Sufficiently Plausibly Sorry", Says Chairman Of Failed Bank + Former Head Of Stupid Lending At HBOS Adamant: "I Am Bloody Not Sorry" Conspiracy Theory: Was RBS Brought Down With Controlled Demolition? + Why Sir Fred Should Keep His £650k Pension + Royal Ballsup Of Scotland To Turn Itself Into Chain Of Coffee Shops Tory Titian Tits! + Titiangate Tories Must All Apologise And Then Be Sacked + A Titian A Titian They All Fall Down Yorkshire Ripper 'On Road To Release' + Someone Should Stop The Yorkshire Ripper From Being Released! + Yorkshire Ripper Could Be Walking On The Streets In A Years Time!
Jan
	RBS To Be Renamed Royal Ballsup Of Scotland + Lloyds Bank To Be Renamed LaughingStock Bank + *Wnker Bankers Former Cook Rusty Lee To Be New Dr Who + Dr Who Tipped To Be Eamonn Holmes + Dr Who To Be Scrapped After Next Series + Vince Cable Said To Be Considering Dr Who Role + Gordon Brown To Be New BBC Dr Who After 'Flash Gordon' Triumph On World Stage + Paddy Ashdown Tipped For Dr Who Role House Of Lords To Be Fitted With Snooze 'Horn' + Moneygrabbing Lords Should Be Politely Kicked Out + House Of Oh My Good Lawd What's This Then? Wossy: "I'm Tewwibly Tewwibly Sowwy" + Why I Will Be Watching Tonight's Jonathan Ross Show With My Fingers In My Ears Whilst Repeating "I'm Not Listening" with My Own Voice + Ross In Rampant Return Topless Page Three Girl-Snooker Is Sport's Only Hope + 'Drunk Snooker', 'Strip Snooker' or 'Square Cube-Balls Snooker' Are The Best Ideas We Can Come Up With, Ron + Cowell Asked To Advise On Snooker Development. But Is Musical Snooker The Way Forward? Huh? Saver Riots Close Barstard Bank Branch, Tunbridge Wells + Britain Braced For Worst Saver Riots In 250 Years + Savers Take To The Streets Ant And Dec Surprised By New Pair Of Breasts + This Is Not The Last Series Of Britain's Got Talent, Says TV Ace Cowell + Britain's Got Talent To Be Won By Strange Accident Prone Kid, Says Expert And A Reminder Of The Main Headlines... + It's A Disgrace! Celebrity Big Brother Should Be Taken Off The Air Immediately + Celeb BB's Tina: My Fat Fnny Shame*

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