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Latest Crime Figures

Daily Excrement (spoof of Daily Express)
Violin offences on the increase
violinViolin crime rose 14 per cent during the third quarter of 2003 compared with the same period the previous year, latest musical crime figures show.
Offences of violins against the person, in July to September, rose 17 per cent compared to the same period in the previous year.
The Home Office of Musical Arts suggested that the rise in violin crime was partly due to the continuing impact of changes in the way conductors record offences.
There were 11,800 offences of serious double bass in the period, up from 10,000.
violaLess serious viola offences - such as minor stroking, plucking and common ear assault - rose from 203,800 offences to 238,000.
Overall, recorded musical crime levels were stable, Home Office statisticians said.

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