Following two comedy terrorist attacks this week, British Security Services have put the country onto the highest level of comedy alert. "Today we have increased the national alert to custard pie," said a spokesman for MI6."This is the highest possible level of comedy terrorist alert and is equivalent to a level red in the USA. The public are warned to be extra vigilant and to report any suspicious looking performances to police." The country has been on the second highest level of comedy alert, a Tommy Cooper 'Just like that', for the last six months.

British Terrorist levels	USA terrorist threat colour codes
Custard Pie	Significantly more than larger than small risk
'Just Like That'	More than larger than small risk
Soda syphon squirted in the face	Larger than small risk
Maureen from Driving School	A small risk
Little and Large	No risk