| | Channel
Four Squirt | Apology
to Tom Cruise |  The
management, staff and pets of employees at Channel Four would like to apologise
to A-List movie star Tom Cruise for squirting him with water at a premiere yesterday.
The
producer who authorised the stunt, misheared what the screen talent wanted to
do. The producer thought they said they wanted to get the 'little squirt' on the
program, and not give the A-List celebrity a little squirt of water. We
would like to apologise unreservedly to the star, 5ft 6in, who has just got engaged
again, both for squirting him with water, and for thinking he was a little squirt
in the first place. Four people are helping police with their enquiries. |
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20
June |
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See
also: Is this the most squirtable
man in Britain? 
Why
not e-mail a link to a friend? | |
|
Click
here to go theVoiceofReason
.co.uk home page | | | Squirtman | IS
THIS THE MOST SQUIRTABLE MAN IN BRITAIN? | | | Britons
with water pistols and buckets of water were called to arms today to drench this
man. (He was the man who squirted Tom Cruise at the War of the World premiere
yesterday.) If you see him give him a drenching and tell him we sent you... |
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21 June |
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Happy
Slapping | GIVE
THIS MAN A HAPPY SQUIRTING! | | Here
at the Daily Moan if there is one thing that really annoys us it's going to go
on our front page. So here, today, we call on all Happy Slappers across the country
to get this man. We haven't a clue who he is, but he squirted Tom Cruise yesterday,
and he works for Channel Four, the bastards. Send your videos of your slappings
to us... |
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21
June |
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| | Radio
Four Squit | Radio
4: Dixon of Dock Green Investigates a Squirting Incident in Leicester Square... | Evening
all... what's it that we have ere then? Someone with a water pistol? A spoof journalist
none the less? Squirting a movie star? Tom Cruise? In the face, or on the chin
to be more exact. What's going on here then? A movie star with a wet chin? Not
on my beat he ain't! So I wasted no time and went to apprehend the bugger. So
I approached the assailant and bent me knees all polite like, and said 'will you
mind accompanying me to the station then?' He said 'all right, it's a fair cop
guv.' So,
alls well that ends well. I spent the rest of the day doing the paperwork. Be
good to each other, good night. |
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22
June |
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