zzzz... oh, yes, fears are growing that the "Great British Electorate", "The Wonderfully Intelligent and Sexy People of Britain" and "The Buffed And Pert Population of Great Britain", as various candidates have claimed over the last three weeks, might be unable to vote on Thursday as they are suffering from narcolepsy. The most boring election in living memory ends tomorrow with Tony Blair expected to be smiling like a Cheshire Cat on... zzzzzz..... ymmmmm.....

Up To 20 terrorists have been arrested after collapsing from boredom whilst planning attacks during the election campaign: 5 were wearing Batman costumes, 8 Superman and 3 Cat Woman suits. Returning officers have been given special powers to stop superheroes voting on Thursday. These powers are top secret but are believed to include a special British combination of Kryptonite and custard.