George Galloway, the floundering Celebrity Big Brother contestant, is set to face a law suit from TV's favourite Des Lynam when he is evicted, it is alleged. Galloway is believed to have grown his mustache in spite of clear copyright ownership of the style held by Countdown's Lynam. A spokesman for Galloway was unavailable for comment when we didn't ask.

Celebrity Big Brother's Pete Burns is being investigated by police after viewers identified the thick lipped 1980's pop star as the person they saw climbing through their window at night during a six month period in 1992. It is claimed that Burns broke into houses in the early 1990's to bite goldfish in half. More news to follow.

Big Brother cat, George 'Meow' Galloway, is to be evicted from the Big Brother house tonight with substantially reduced security, we have discovered. The leader of Respect, Galloway, who has dressed equally as a vampire, a teddy boy and in revealing ballet dancer clothing, is doomed to face a hostile crowd with fewer than the legally required security due to a Kennedy Assassination inspired conspiracy, our source insist.