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February 2006
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The Moon
£40 Million GONE!
Topless robbers, some as small as DD, braved the Winter conditions last night and writhed their way into a Securitas compounds whipping the hunky security guards, some as young as 21...
23 February

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Daily Excrement (spoof of Daily Express)

£700 Million Bank Robbery Giveaway

Robbers got away with more money than ever before in the Bank of England's great February giveaway.
23 February

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The Indigestion (spoof of The Independent)

£20,342,430.35 Stolen In Daring Raid

What could become Britain's most daring heist in bank heist history, cannot actually be described as a bank heist at all as it was stolen from a storage department owned and operated by security firm Securitas. The Bank of England, who owned the money, were said to be unconcerned...
23 February

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The Thun (spoof of The Times)

£40 Million Bank Heist!

In what could be Britain's biggest bank robbery ever, thieves have gotten away with millions from a storage depot in Kent. Ministers were alerted during the night after the full extent of the losses became apparant.
23 February

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Daily Moan (spoof of Daily Mail)

Who Is Responsible For £35 Million Heist?

It's just bloody typical isn't it? You are going home after work and the police pull you over and then proceed to take you back to work (after kidnapping your wife and kids), tie up your fellow employees and then steal what could amount to more money than has ever been stolen before... What has happened to this country where the Bank of England once so careful with it's money, can just leave it lying around begging for it to be stolen? There is nothing about this story that isn't a complete disgrace.
23 February

 

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Dully Mirror (spoof of Daily Mirror)

£80 Million Bank Heist

Daredevil thieves plundered what could eventually be as much as £80 million from a secure Securitas depot. The thieves, some as young as 29, made their getaway after threatening to murder to death the manager and his wife and young son... Nobody died.
23 February

 

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The Treehuggian (spoof of The Guardian)

£25 Million Depot Drama

Thieves kidnapped a storage depot manager, held his family hostage and forced him into the complex where 14 staff members were tied up. The thieves then loaded up the cash into a lorry and made their getaway...
23 February