The government has announced its 'Rod Hull Emu' quarantine policy in the event of a bird flu outbreak in the UK. Emu, the aggressively bitey and kissy bird popular on tea-time television in the 1970's, is to be rounded up by specially trained hand-to-hand combat capable Emu experts armed with guns, nets and spears. "It is thought that Emu will pose less of a threat to catchers now that it's handler Rod Hull is dead, but we aren't going to take any chances," a spokesman told us. Nobody was bitten.