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February 2006
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Parish Palaver

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Boozar! (spoof of Bizarre!)
Priest Punches Parishioner
Mark Godfreys, a priest for the parish of Humpley Dumpley on Stoke, punched a member of his congregation in the face when she wouldn't kneel for prayers, we have discovered. This brings the total number of violent crimes committed by priests in the UK to 1,324 in January, close to the all time high set during the Brixton riots in the 1980's.
Priests are taught non violent forms of combat, but a spokesman for the Church of England admitted to us that in these terror round every corner times it's just 'too hard to do' these days.
The parishioner, Stacey Smith, 12, is recovering in hospital.
2 February

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