Heimlich Hostfenchkinker, a German doctor famous for gruesome bone snatching from live people, has his eyes on Rooney's foot, we have discovered.

The bone knicker, and part-time human flesh nibbler (our legal advice is that we don't call him a cannibal), has been released from jail by the German authorities with the sole purpose to steal bones from Rooney's foot.

A spokesman for the England Football Team, told this webpaper: "If this fiendish German plan to steal one of Rooney's bones succeeds, then this would be a terrible terrible thing. The only alternative would be all out war."