Wayne Rooney, 20, was sent off for stamping a player's Portuguese goolies, last night. England's World Cup hopes were dashed following a moment of mad testicle crunching. Rooney was red carded after the Argentinian ref decided to roo-in England's chances...

Outgoing England coach, Swedish Sven, urged the press not to throw things at Rooney following his disastrous goolie crunching attack on a Portuguese player, last night. Rooney, 20, was not believed to be in any physical danger as sports reporters punch like girls, apart from the girls who punch like kittens.

England, out of the World Cup once more, just because we can't score penalties...? Or was it because we were crap at the football before the penalties? We just don't know where to begin our moan.

It doesn't matter. It was all a complete a disgrace.

Rooney's heroic attack on that Portuguese's goolie was the highlight for us in this game of two sides and a ball. When will it ever end?

Ronaldo is set to leave Manchester United after Rooney threatened to 'bash his face into a flat pancake', we have discovered. Ronaldo complained to the ref after Rooney's moment of goolie crunching shame...