In a shocking twist to the water crisis, which, in July, led to water bosses slapping on hose pipe and water pistol bans across the county, water bosses now say customers aren't using enough water.

A spokesman for Kent hoses: "August is set to be one of the wettest Augusts on record and we have so much water here now that it's almost up to our necks. Help! Please water your gardens with your hose pipes, children get out those water guns and let rip, we haven't got much time left."

For more information on how to use too much water, the Home Office have set up a telephone help desk. Unfortunately the Home Office were unable to give us the number when we asked them what it was.