Uncle John Reid, the Home Secretary, is about to announce that caravan holiday parks are to be used as temporary prisons.

This, just as the number of prison spaces runs out in the UK.

Uncle John is expected to outline his new strategy later today, including this exact quote from the speech:

"Caravan parks are an ideal solution to the problem of our overcrowded prisons. It is now the end of the Summer season, and Caravan Holiday Park attendance's are down from their peak numbers. It is these superfluous places we shall be using in our holiday camp prison plan. We have also saved up the Sun's sensational offer of a week's caravan holiday camping for only £2.50 that the paper published in today's newspaper. What a fantastic offer and, thanks to this great newspaper, Her Majesty's Government can announce huge savings on prison expenses as we cash in these holiday vouchers. The Sun is a fantastic newspaper and the country owes a great debt of gratitude to it's fantastic...."