In a pilot scheme taking place in Little Fuggington, today, police are to begin testing a new electronic fingerprinting, urine sampling and semen kit on the streets. People whom police believe to be suspects can then have their identity checked against the 6.5million known criminals, and if they aren't on the list their name can be added faster than ever before.

Before, this all had to be done in the police station.

Civil rights groups criticized the semen collection move, calling it a wankers charter.