The Home Office has accidentally released a memo telling the public the best ways to panic during this moment of bird flu hysteria.

The email, apparently signed by John Reid, includes the following advice:

1) Jump up and down and wave your arms about

2) Take all your clothes off and wear a brown paper bag on your head.

3) Run away screaming when anybody mentions any of the following terms in normal everyday conversation: Turkey, chicken, giblets and eggs.

The Home Office, once again, have won Stupid Buggers Of The Week, and it's only Monday.