The Daily Armstretchograph would like to apologize to it's readers for mis-attributing the following quote in this morning's edition:

"Dude, you are such a c*** for saying that, you are such a f****** retard. That's you that is, reeee-ttaaarrrdd. Sheet. You couldn't organise a f**** p** up in a brewery you c*** slapping fish fingered f***. Want some of this b**h? Any *ucking time. I will slap you so hard you will be at the dentist for the rest of your &***** life you loser."

The quote should have been attributed to Mark and Barry Hyman of County Consent, and not Wayne Rooney and Steve McClaren as we reported.