We at SHITV are as sad as really sad puppy dogs to announce to our shareholders that we are to cease our premium rate interactive service SHITV Play just before any arrests are made.

No longer will we be able to have fun with our viewers, who ring in to answer the following questions:

1) I have 45p in my pocket and I buy two penny chews, then give 20p to a busker, how much money is there in my pocket? (Answer: £564.67)

2) I am a dog, my name is Roger, I am an English Bulldog, what country was I born in? (Answer: Lithuania)

and

3) How many 7's are there in 778? (Answer: 4).

SHITV Play will be sadly missed. None of the profits of this can now go into the production of our quality programming, uhm, good night.