Avramovich Grantastasia, the new Chelsea coach, has congratulated his team for their new entertaining style of play in spite of losing 2-0 against Manchester United.

An exciting red card and an impressively unlikely penalty decision gave the match a real 24-like sinister excitement.

A Stamford Bridge ice cream seller, Josh Mourhino, told this website: "At this rate nobody's going to buy a Cornetto from me all season. We're all doomed. Doomed I tell you!!!"