Formula One bosses confirmed to journalists last night that McLaren and Ferrari teams and drivers will square up in a 'ladder' and a 'through the table' match during next year's season, following this year's successful introduction of professional wrestling storylines into F1.

An F1 storyline writer told this paper:

"The storyline of rookie almost winning the season only to lose it at the last minute, McLaren stealing secrets from Ferrari, and friction between McLaren drivers, has brought a new audience to F1 that we are determined to keep.

Plans to keep the interest going for a bit longer this season will include an appeal over fuel temperatures, this could then mean that Lewis Hamilton will actually win the F1 title anyway, but, as he has said he doesn't want to win the championship title that way, he will get it forced on him by a really booby woman in a bikini wetted from head to foot in champagne while he is in bed in the morning...

...Excuse me I've got to go, X-Factor is on the phone: 'Yes, Sharon, I know, yes, you storm back in on Saturday. That's fine love. Don't worry...' "