Tax offices around the country have been besieged by taxpaying former investors in The Northern Cockup who want their money back again.

This follows news that every taxpayer has £900 in the failing bank.

But queuers who are waiting stand very little chance of ever getting their money.

A worried taxpayer told this newspaper: "Imagine my surprise. I spent the good part of September queuing up to get my money out of the Northern Cockup only to find that the chancellor has put my money back in it again!"

This is a complete and utter disgrace! Why oh why oh why can't poor taxpayers get their money out when they need it in time for Christmas?

We expect much more from a white-haired man called Darling this time of the year. Ho Ho Ho.