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Market
Shaken
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FREE
GIRLY DVD TO MAKE YOU WEEP FOR EVERY READER
INSIDE TODAY
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Deathquake:
Market Rasen Survives
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A
quake measuring 5.3 on the Richter
Scale battered and crashed Lincolnshire
town Market Rasen in a death grip
not seen in this country since the
80's.
Captured,
above, in our world exclusive Shakinision,
is Market Rasen as it actually looked
at three minutes before 1 last night.
Luckily
houses fought the earth tremour, with
only limited price falls expected.
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27
Feb
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Rasen
Hell
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FREE
'I SURVIVED THE MARKET RASEN EARTHQUAKE' T-SHIRT
FOR EVERY READER
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None
Dead As Market Rasen Gets The Shakes
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At
a trice before 1 o'clock in the am,
Market Rasen was awoken with the biggest
earthquake in living memory for the
under 25's.
Houses,
shops and even golf clubs shook.
At
least one chimney fell, causing injury
to an old man who couldn't run fast
enough, or possibly even at all.
Experts
in the office expect the damage to
exceed £1 million. Nobody of
consequence died.
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27
Feb
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Click
here
to go theVoiceofReason .co.uk home page
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Lincolnshire
Sausage
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FREE
GUIDE FOR EVERY READER: HOW TO OPEN A TIN OF
VEGETABLES
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Earthquake
Measuring 5.2563456 Hits Lincolnshire
Town
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Men
and women all looked at each
other not knowing what to say
this morning when, at just before
1 o'clock, Market Rasen bashed
and crashed giving England its
worst shaking ironically since
Shakin' Stevens was last in
the charts.
A
reader called to say: "My
wife looked at me and said
the earth shook for her. I
said it shook for me too."
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27
Feb
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Market
Death
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NOTHING FREE TODAY
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DEATH
TOLL IN MARKET RASEN SET TO
CLIMB
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As
is always the case when earthquakes
hit, the death toll starts
off low and climbs over the
next week or so as figures
are revised. We don't agree
with this nonsense! Today
we reveal the true death toll
in Market Rasen, where 25
people died in the worst earthquake
to his England in 25 years.
Post
Offices, hospitals and zebra
crossings all shook during
the thirty second quake that
showed no respect for any
architectural hierarchy that
exists across the country.
Postmen,
some as young as 25, were
returning to the office from
as early as 12 noon this morning
complaining of moved posting
slots in houses which made
delivering the daily mail
more difficult than normal.
Nobody went on strike.
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27
Feb
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