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T5
Trouble
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FREE
STOOL SAMPLE BAG FOR EVERY READER
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Ten
Dead In Terminal 5 Bloodbath
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Scenes
of carnage, including women biting
the fingers off airport staff, men
punching old women in the face, and
drunk teenage alcoholics sitting watching
and laughing, marred the second day
of operation at T5, Heathrow.
"Just
when we thought it couldn't get any
worse, it got worse. There's no telling
how bad it could get from here, it's
the worst disaster since Buggery."
An
optimistic, if a little old, traveler,
confided to our reporter: "It's
not pretty here today, but if you
remember the D-day landings were a
complete disaster at the time, it
was only after they threw so many
men at the problem that it sort of
sorted itself out. Looking on the
bright side, all I can say is: Fuck
BA and fuck all their employees."
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Mar
28
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Airport
Angst
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FREE
PICTURE OF A FAT CAT FOR EVERY READER
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I
Flew From T5 Today With No Problem
At All, What Is All the Fuss
About?
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Well,
it has to be said I was more
than a little impressed! I
checked in only 20 minutes
before my flight, was guided
through security with a deft
touch, my bag scanned by a
cheerful operative. This is
the life, I thought, if only
all traveling at airports
today could be this good!!!
I arrived in the departure
lounge fresh and not a little
dewy eyed at the efficiency
of BAA and BA, two great British
companies, only one of them
owned by a foreign company.
I even had time to stand in
line in Starbucks for a cup
of char, and you know how
slow those yanks are!
I
have heard reports of what
some unfortunate passengers
are saying about the new T5,
but I am sure this is only
temporary. All I can say is
how much I enjoyed using the
terminal this morning, I can't
wait to use it again!
Today's
guest columnist was Monica
Bruce, wife of chairman of
BAA.
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Mar
28
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Click
here
to go theVoiceofReason .co.uk home page
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Heathrow
Haranguing
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FREE
'HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS' MOVIE JAR OF HONEY
FOR EVERY READER
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Passengers On The 20% Canceled
Flights At T5 Today Were Complete
Wankers, Says Airport Man
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Passengers
hoping to travel after their
flights were canceled yesterday
at Heathrow T5, and who were
told that their today flight
was also now canceled, were
rude and completely wankerish,
that's according to people
at the airport, today.
Travelers,
some foreign and some British,
complained of not being told
where they were, and some
even accused the airport management
of sitting down.
Flights,
80% of which took off today
with only minor trouble, were
unaffected.
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Mar
28
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T5
Terrible
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Ticket
Machine Called Me A Cunt, Says
Irate T5 Traveler
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A
ticket machine malfunction
was blamed for a string of
abusive insults at the new
Heathrow T5, this morning.
Other
insults included:
Your
flight has been canceled this
morning, you bastard.
What
are you looking at me like
that for? shit face
Look
at me like that again and
you get a fucking good kicking
and
Fuck
you and your family, you bleedin
moaning bugger
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Mar
28
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