Brown: "I Will Rename Cannabis To Bannabis"

Gordon Brown is to rename Cannabis to Bannabis, in spite of expert opinion that the drug should continue to retain its 'C' first letter. A druggie told this journalist: "Just changing the first letter of Cannabis to Bannabis would have no effect on its usage. At best people buying their drugs will remember to ask for Bannabis from their drug dealer, but, even if they forget it, it is likely that drug dealers themselves will remember that Bannabis used to be called Cannabis so when someone asks for whatever they will give them the same thing." An expert told our undercover reporter: "Renaming Cannabis is not the answer. No. The answer my friend is blowing in the wind."

It's just bloody typical, isn't it? When will the government make its mind up over the B or C classificationedness of Cannabis? Huh? Either it makes you go mad or it doesn't, how difficult is it to decide that?

If mental illness is being caused by people smoking Cannabis then it should be banned and anybody who buys or sells it should be shot. This faffing about whether it is a B or C grade drug is neither here nor there. If the nation's mental health is at stake then we must act on this now.

This paper does not condone drug taking and were we ever to find out that anybody who works here is taking drugs then they will be fired on the spot. That we choose not to ask because if we did there would probably be hardly anyone working here any more is neither here nor there.

Jeepers.

Government To Reclassify Cannabis To C+ Drug

The government is set to increase the classification of Cannabis to a C+ drug, upgrading it midway between C and B, later this month. Expert advice to the government says that Cannabis should remain a C classification drug, and should not be reverted to its B classification.

Fingernail bitey Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been told to sit on his hands rather than bite his fingernails any further, we have discovered.

Were the prime minister to listen to this advice his hands could be placed firmly under his bottom cheeks when talk of drugs are mentioned in his presence.

Gordon Brown, 56, is said to favour the reinstitution of the B classification removed from Cannabis only a few years hence from now. However, expert opinion has claimed that a change back from whence it came is not desirous.

Drug taking is believed to have the same effect on the economy as an early summer heatwave with semi naked and partially naked people walking about the place. Corrr.

Only a few people died, none of them Zimbabweans.