Binge
drinking is to blame for the election
of Boris Johnson as London Mayor,
we can now reveal.
Pubs
across London held happy hours and
all you can drink in an hour for £2.50,
to voters, some over 4 times the legal
voting limit, before Tory campaigners
collected them and took them to polling
booths before closing time at 10pm.
Johnson,
who was above Livingstone on the voting
slip due to reasons of the alphabet,
was previously believed to be unelectable
because of his over-the-top flyaway
haired buffoonery, but now he has
the chance to prove that he isn't
a buffoon at all starting with an
annual £11bn budget.
This
is all thanks to the voting pattern
of pissed Londoners who may only now
be starting to realize what on earth
it is that they have done.
But
all is not lost. It is believed that
Boris dresses himself in the morning
and occasionally he even combs his
own hair.
David
Cameron was seen holding Boris's hand
last night as crowds cheered.
Seven people fell over, all of them
British.
