State Approved Chinese Correspondent: The Mayor of London was a complete embarrassment yesterday and he almost fell over while waving the glorious Olympic flag we gave him.

What is wrong with the blond idiot who mock saluted and offended all decent Chinese?

We were told to expect good old Red Ken. Where is our good friend? He's probably lying destitute in the streets like all unsuccessful western capitalists.

State Approved Chinese Correspondent: The embarrassing Great Britain red bus and dancing fools with umbrellas was made worse when everyone's favourite footballer, David Beckham, kicked the ball in the wrong direction just like when he takes penalties.

Thankfully a member of the clever glorious Chinese nation caught the ball to stop any further embarrassment.

The red bus was stupid and so was that unknown woman singer with the daddy long legs.

Why does everyone in Britain have an umbrella, can't they shoot chemicals into the air to stop it raining like the glorious People's Republic of China?

State Approved Chinese Corespondent: After 15 days of glorious sporting and proud communist news management, one single blond haired Englishman completely ruined it all.

Fat and stupid, Boris Johnson embarrassed himself and the glorious Chinese nation and the people of England by waving the Olympic flag like a fool.

Johnson insulted the entire Olympic movement with his arrogant capitalist grabbing of the flag in one hand and then looked like a mule when he waved it the wrong way round. Children cried, and old women could not drink their milk.

This is a sign that Great Britain will completely muck up the Olympics when they hold it in 4 years time. Their Olympics will look cheap compared to our glorious one.

China China China Oi Oi Oi!