AIM: Bathroom accessories stalwart Cockahoop & Cocksure shocked the city this lunchtime after announcing they would miss third quarter profits estimates by over 7, after an important supplier of centralcocks in China was executed because of the Olympics.

CEO of C&C, Jimmy Cocksmith, told the FT: "The last time I saw anything this bad was in the recession of 1974. If the supply of centralcocks doesn't improve soon nobody will be able to flush their toilets without a funny sound coming from the cistern. This could be the biggest crisis in the history of modern bathrooms."