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Keegan
Kontroversy
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FREE
'I'M WITH KEVIN' T SHIRT FOR EVERY READER
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Kevin
Keegan Disappears
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Newcastle
manager Kevin Keegan is nowhere to
be found. He joins 250,000 people
every year who go missing, sometimes
for ever, sometimes for only a few
minutes, sometimes for longer.
Whichever
it is that Keegan is disappeared for
only time will tell, but as the ticking
of the clock continues, Newcastle
United supporters are at a loss to
do anything other than stand outside
the ground chanting Keegan's name
and for his safe return to the clubs'
manly hairy bosom.
For
it was Kevin Keegan, the savior of
Newcastle, who, on his return only
this annum, provided a well needed
ray of hope to an otherwise disaster
prone team.
Keegan,
a word synonymous for success at Newcastle
United, will be sadly missed by everyone
at the club, including the club cat,
Jenkins, last night.
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3
Sept
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Looney
Toons
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FREE
NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE SURVEY INSIDE TODAY
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What
Next For Newcastle United Football Club
Shareholders Now That Nobody Knows Where
Manager Keegan Is, Huh?
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Newcastle
United bosses' strategy is becoming
clearer by the minute. Kevin Keegan's
disappearance, yesterday, was clearly
what management at the club had in
mind when they hired Dennis Wise as
Director Of Football only six months
ago.
What
at the time looked like a strange
exercise in undermining Keegan's position
as manager of the club, now looks
like an inspired piece of management
treachery.
If
Keegan, 57, is ever found, we will
then be able to discover what went
on, but management at Newcastle have
said that they will not be talking
about Kevin Keegan any more after
their statement ended.
After
their statement ended we then asked
them about Kevin Keegan but they said
they had never heard of him, so they
are clearly a management of their
word.
Kevin
Keegan saved Newcastle United FC from
falling into the Sunday Pub League
in 1993.
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3
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Click
here
to go theVoiceofReason .co.uk home page
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Kevin
Kalamity
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FREE
'KEEGAN IS DEAD, LONG LIVE NEWCASTLE' T-SHIRT
FOR EVERY READER
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Kevin
Keegan Murdered By Newcastle
Boss
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Blood
flowed from the headquarters
of Newcastle United this afternoon
as Kevin Keegan's head was
chopped off with a meat cleaver
and then stuck on a spike
to be carried shoulder high
through the streets of Newcastle.
Newcastle
supporters shouted insults
and charged the offices of
the club to no avail. Punches
were thrown and f, c, p, b
and s words exchanged.
Kevin
Keegan, who died while being
tortured by Newcastle bosses,
continued shouting at manager
Mike Ashley until the last
gasp of life left his increasingly
dead body. Keegan will be
remembered for dying whilst
fighting for the thing closest
to his heart - to keep Newcastle
United from being completely
embarrassing on the football
pitch.
Always
a man who, it was said, wore
his heart on his sleeve, Keegan
died the way only those in
the know knew it could end,
with his head on a pole.
Newcastle's
board of directors have said
they are too busy to hold
a minutes silence for Keegan's
passing, their plans for the
team take preference over
the ex manager who died so
valiantly yesterday afternoon.
[Click
here for the apology that
goes with this story.]
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3
Sept
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Newcastle
Nuts
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FREE
PACK OF ANGEL DELIGHT FOR EVERY READER, PICK
UP FROM K-SAVERDIRECT 6:30-6:31AM TODAY
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Kevin
Keegan Is Sacked
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Kevin
Keegan was sacked yesterday
afternoon after what a cleaner
standing outside the office
in which the meeting was taking
place with his ear pressed
against the door said was
a vicious vindictive meeting
in which words 'flew like
punches in a bar room brawl'.
The
cleaner who has asked us not
to identify him other than
with his first name, Barry,
told our reporter: "If
anyone talked to me like that
I would have walked out too."
Keegan,
57, regarded as a grey haired
Jesus Christ like figure but
without the beard amongst
his supporters, then left
the club. He has not been
seen since.
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3
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