Northern Cock-Up, formerly the most unsuccessful bank in British history, is to stop sponsoring Newcastle United after all.

Sponsorship is to be taken over by currently the most unsuccessful British bank in history, Bastard and Bungled.

Former building society Bastard and Bungled specialised in 'dangerous finance' which even included a special bungee jump mortgage in which the length of the bungee rope was decided only after the person jumped off the cliff. Everyone died.