8th October 2008 will go down in history as Brown's Black And Blue Wednesday after the PM and his grey haired, black eye-browed chancellor, put £500 billion into British banks, a record.

COINS

Never have so many pound coins been used in an attempt to save banks, and thank the Lord we weren't behind the boys and girls from the treasury as they all queued up early in the morning to pay in £500 billion worth of pound coins in a concerted attempt to keep banks from turning into coffee shops and stuff.

COFFEE HORRORS

£500 billion is approximately 200 billion lattes, enough for 3300 coffees for every man woman and child in the land.

ELECTION TIME

If it works, Gordon Brown could win the next election in one of the closest election calls in history yet to be written. Or not... Rupert hasn't told us who he wants to win yet.

What a day, but it's over now, the fat lady has screamed. Pip Pip.

The FTSE 100 fell to virtually the same point it was at when Gordon Brown came to power in 1997 today, despite paying out £500bn to the banks.

So, have the last eleven years been for nothing? Well, if you take the stock market as the judge then we are where we were in 1997. Ho hum, diddly dee.

£500bn, which is enough for £16,000 for each tax payer in the country, was thrown into banks using a shovel by 8 am o'clock opening time this morning.

£500 billion is such a large number that the BBC's exclusive laden Robert Peston had to take a lay down after announcing it. (He's probably a really nice person but does he seem permanently narked to you?)

Amazingly for this disaster prone government, not a single bank has gone bust today, but it took a staggeringly remarkably humungeously big enormous £500 billion to do it. Bloody typical.

£500 billion! Count em... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.. we could go on but we won't. There probably isn't enough internet left to finish the number off in any case.

The announcement came at 7 am, which is far too bloody early for us. We heard it on Radio 4 when that apparently pissed off sounding Robert Peston gave us the details. (The guy is really clever and stuff, but does he really have to make everything sound like it's so much trouble? Bloody BBC.)

Gordon Brown Saves The World, Please Help Us Now Gordon

Trinity Mirror's share price fell below 70p this week, lower than the price of the SunDie Mirror. Trinity Mirror owns the Dully and SunDie Mirror. Gordon Brown, if you are reading this, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, please give us a couple of quid from your bailout to help save the last left leaning tabloid brand in the British press today. The cost of electricity to keep our offices in Canary Wharf is going up, what are we to do? We are running out of money fast. If you are happy to bail out the badly managed banks, why not help out a badly managed newspaper group?