America's bald headed Hank Paulson announced a $250bn investment in US banks today, just like wot Gordon Brown did on Monday.

Hank The Bank also revealed that the Bank of America is to be renamed Bradford and Bingley from Friday.

The United States of America became a 'pinch' more communist today, after the government bought a ton of shares in some banks.

This is the final vindication of our view, that we have held for the last 8 years, that George W Bush is the stupidest, idiotic-est, crappiest, dumbest, thickest president in living memory.

In polls, George W Bush is now regarded as a worse president that Abraham Lincoln was after he was shot.

Only two months ago we were calling for his resignation, today Gordon Brown, still the prime minister, stands a hero up there with Winston Churchill.

Gordon Brown seems to have saved all the world's banks by his nifty idea of buying shares in them.

Why had nobody else thought of buying shares in banks as a solution to this problem before?

Why oh why oh why have they put us through all this stress and turmoil of the last bleedin three weeks if buying shares in the banks was the solution all along?

All these highly paid bank employees who get million pound bonuses for gambling with other people's money, and nobody apart from Gordon bloody Brown had the idea that buying shares in banks would solve the problem all along!

It makes us so angry we could spit.

And while we're on the subject, why are all these Scottish banks failing? What the hell is wrong with the Scottish? We thought they were all supposed to be good with money up there.

Hell and damnation and where's the whisky?

Now Bank Tier 1 Capital Ratios Have Been Boosted By The Latest Government Funded Equity-Capital Injections, What Next For T'Economy?

This newspaper applauds from an upstanding, proudly ovated, position, the actions of world governments to recapitalise bank tier 1 capital ratios throughout the globe. It was well overdue, let's hope it actually makes a difference. It has bought a little time at least. Now the lying deceitful bastard newly capitalised banks must come clean about all the tosh they still have on their on-balance sheet and/or off-balance sheets, because it is only after these unknown unknowables have been purged from the system that we can all move on. The problem is, we suspect, that the banks still haven't a clue what they do have on their balance sheets. They might be OK or they might still be sitting on an Armageddon sized black hole. If this latter scenario is the case then we've all just pissed a couple of trillion dollars down the drain and we are back to square one. We suspect that this latest capital injection is to buy a little time so the banks can sort themselves out. If it doesn't work then it is just Armageddon postponed.