BBC To Replace All Comedy With Kitten Playing With Ball Of Wool

Public Notice

The BBQ today announces that with effect from immediately all comedy is to be removed from the BBC and be replaced with a cute little kitten playing with a ball of wool. The BBQ would like to assure license fee payers that the images of this kitten have been recycled from images first broadcast in the 1950's. The BBQ continues its investigation into 'comedy' following the Brand/Ross debacle in which a little old man's answerphone was pummelled on national radio. In other news, the use of the f word on Radio Two has fallen to an all time low. The last person to use the word was Jonathan Ross, 47, a broadcaster from North London.

Last evening the BBC saw fit to show the nation a kitten playing with a handbag, a wicker basket and a stuffed mouse. Is this supposed to be entertainment?

The BBC has a nerve setting a license fee of one shilling and 6d and all we get is a grainy black and white movie of a kitten.

It's a bleedin disgrace!

The kitten, whilst undoubtedly cute, at times appears to walk out of the screen. Is the cameraman asleep?

Where is the comedy value in a little kitten playing on an armchair? The aaah factor is undeniable, but belly laughs this is not.

Sir Reginald Prentegast, the Daily Moan's comedy chief, today has written a letter to the BBC Board of Governors advising them how to make this kitten playing with a miscellany of household items funny. Will they listen? We can only write to give them the benefit of our wisdom that so clearly is missing.

Here is a snippet from our missive sent to the BBC:

"... peril. The kitten is never in peril so we lose focus on the comedy element. I would suggest the addition of a small baby duck into the commotion and the two will bounce their comediness off each other. This will be a delight and will enchant the nation..."

Do we have to do everything for the BBC? Pip Pip.

The BBC today relented to demands from Times readers and put a kitty cat comedy on the telly worth watching.

AAAAH!

The 3 minute video, which shows a little kitty playing with a stuffed mouse, a handbag and a ball of wool, is a classic.

We say, well done 1957 BBC!

Now give us our license fee for 2008 back.

WALLY!

The BBC is to replace all repeated showings of Little Britain USA with this kitten until further notice. Phew!

FUNNY?

The BBC is also to replace all other comedy output for the next three weeks with this very same video while it continues its investigation into what comedy is.

Q'UE?

This follows complaints from the Spanish embassy after a Spanish national, said to be from Barcelona, was assaulted on British national radio.

SACHS!

Andrew Sachs, known as Manuel to those who remember the British comedy from the 1970s Fawlty Towers, was unable to return our call when we phoned him. We left an abusive message on his answerphone in which we claimed to have had sex with his grandson. Now that's comedy.