A Championship League football manager, who cannot be named for legal reasons, has been fined £25,000 by the FA for claiming that a motionally retarded referee who was unable to run, was unable to referee even a snail race.

Here at the Daily Stir we say we want to hear more about incidents like this...

Today the Daily Stir announces a £5000 reward to any supporter who reports a manager to the authorities and gets him fined.

So, get your ears on and send in things you have overheard even if you only half overheard them.

Remember, no witnesses are required so let your creativity run riot!

The Football Association has today published a list of swear words and phrases and their cost when a manager uses them against a referee.

Below we publish a short list of these insults.

Managers will no longer be able to use any of the following insults, or differently worded derivatives thereof:

"Sir, are you blind perchance?": £750

"Referee, with all due respect, would you like to borrow my glasses?" £755

"Sir, were you trained at Billy Smart's Circus?" £1250

"I've seen better organised chimps tea parties." £2,500

"Did you just do that so that Harry Hill paid you £250 for the video clip? Ref? Come On, Huh?" £7,500

"Oh, ref, tell him!" 75p

A Premier League football manager, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, has been told to pay a referee that he insulted £600 after the manager claimed he slept with the referee's granddaughter. This comes just a week after Jonathan Brand and Russell Ross insulted another grandfather, actor Manuel Sachs.

This follows new tighter rules introduced by the Football Association in an attempt to stop referees from being sworn at while enjoying the perks of their job which is to annoy highly paid brats.

Football managers are expected to spend up to 10% of their annual salaries on fines to referees following this new directive from the FA.

Refs, some as stupid as IQ 78, have applauded the move by the FA as they are to be paid half of the fines in compensation.

Football managers will have to watch their f's and c's (p's and q's are not affected) if they want to avoid paying ever increasing fines for referees' hurt feelings.

The Football Association has said that it will actively pursue managers who verbally abuse football referees and will impose a fine whenever it is deemed necessary.

Managers will be forced to supply a log of any invective they use, including translations from foreign managers.

Certain words will be banned from being used either within earshot or even out of earshot of referees. None of these words are acceptable in a family newspaper, but are believed to rhyme with duck, stunt, anchor and miss.

A football manager told this newspaper:

"It's all right for these stunts at the FA to impose this ducking idea but its another to enforce it. Managers swear at everyone, its part of our job. I even swear at my dog. I suppose the RSPCA will now be after me for saying this to you, anchors."

Jerry Macclesfield of the RSPCA said that he will be getting in contact with the manager for a donation, as swearing at dogs constitutes abuse and is actionable in a court of doggie law.