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Best
Depression Coverage
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FREE
'WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?' SPIKE MILLIGAN T-SHIRT
FOR EVERY READER
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Flash
Gordon Vows To Defeat Banker
Ming
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"Phaser
set to stun and I'm going
in," said a determined
looking Flash Gordon.
"Shut
the door behind me and don't
open this door even if I scream
to let me out, this is going
to be horrible. (Actually
let me out if I sound really
desperate)", he said,
trying to remember which film
it was when someone said something
like that before. Was it in
Young Frankenstein? Yes, Young
Frankenstein, thought the
prime minister, smiling, Mel
Brooks is just fantastic,
hmmmn toastie. "Now,
buckle me up and I'm going
in."
Dale
Darling, with a tear in his
eye, kissed Flash on his cheek
and said "God be with
you" and he was gone.
After
locking the door to the Cave
Of Doom, Darling looked at
his various assistants and
advisors nervously, but found
no solace in their eyes.
Nothing
has been heard after five
hours.
His
prospects don't look good.
But
if there is one thing we have
learned about Flash, it is
never to underestimate the
cut of his gib.
Our
newly appointed expert in
panic analysed:
"It
is as if Banker Ming has invented
a deathly ray on the planet
Mars and is shining it on
our economy. God speed Flash,
you are our only hope."
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25
Nov
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Click
here
to go theVoiceofReason .co.uk home page
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Depressing
Coverage
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FREE
HOW TO GO BANKRUPT GUIDE FOR EVERY READER INSIDE
TODAY
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Tuppence
Ha'penny Off VAT And A Trillion Pounds
Worth Of Debt? It's a Bleedin Disgrace!
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This
pillocking government really did it
today. Not happy with just making
house prices go down, now they want
to bankrupt the whole economy.
Was
it world famous songstress Milton
Freidman who once sang, "Let
the market decide"? Well, whoever
it was, now is not the time to be
tinkering with little tax cuts here
and there, now is the time to be building
bomb shelters.
This
disaster prone government is tinkering
while the economy burns.
What
we need now is to not to do anything
at all.
Now
is the time for all good monetarists
to come to the aid of their country
by realising that they can't do anything
about this mess and the markets must
decide our fates. What would Maggie
have done? She would have stood up
proudly, like she did to the miners,
and say, 'let the markets decide.'
What
we need now is a leader ready to stand
up to the challenge of the day.
Where
is the next Margaret Thatcher?
Hmm?
There isn't one is there?
Well,
cometh the hour, cometh the newspaper.
Now
is the time for the Daily Moan to
be elected into government to sort
this bleedin mess out!
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25
Nov
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Anti-Depressant
Coverage
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CITY
SLICKERS RETURN TO THE DULLY MIRROR TODAY: TOP
TIP: BUY TRINITY MIRROR SHARES!!!
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The
Name's Darling, Alistair Darling
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Alistair
Darling provided a quantum
of solace to the British people
today, promising that he would
sort the economy out like
the true British secret agent
that he is. Armed with his
favourite weapon - a Walther
PPK - his eyebrows freshly
brushed and his running shorts
donned, Darling was determined
to 'do the right thing' (©
Labour Party 2008) with ultimate
force.
Bankers,
some as young as 17, looked
scared as Darling bashed open
the door to their office with
his shoulder and ran in shouting
instructions, "debit
this", "credit that",
"sign that loan over
there", "this small
business needs some help,
DO IT!"
Men
and women ran for the doors,
but Darling was taking no
prisoners.
A
manager was grabbed by the
scruff of his neck and told
to continue work on his Excel
spreadsheet, an office boy
was told to fetch the coffee
as usual.
"It's
time for bankers to know who
the boss is. The time for
money is done I want results
or there'll be a punching,"
said grey haired Darling,
57.
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25
Nov
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Bring
Back Public Haranguing
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FREE
CELEBRITY KNOCKERS FOR EVERY READER
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Get
David Van Day Out Of The Jungle
Or The Economy Gets It!
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The
Daily Stir announces today
our most controversial campaign
yet.
We
have kidnapped the British
economy and if viewers of
SHITV's I'm A Celebrity
don't vote David Van Day out
on Wednesday then we will
kill the economy.
The
British economy, 800 years
old, was taken under cover
of dark last night and is
being held in a dark room
with only water and insects
to eat.
The
economy will be executed Wednesday
night at 10pm if our demands
are not met. Pip Pip.
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25
Nov
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