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27th November 2008
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Woolies Problems

FREE WOOLIES MINT HUMBUG FOR EVERY READER
The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)
Woolies Bullies Pullies The Plugie

"That's the wonder of Woolworth's, that's the wonder of good old Woolies."

So rang the jingle of the stores' TV ads of the 1980's. Back then Woolworths made a fortune out of selling us the cheap tatt we all couldn't get enough of.

It's managers have been left wondering where it all went wrong...

We'll tell you where it all went wrong:

There weren't enough great looking tits in their stores!

Had Woolies had more fit topless nakedness then they wouldn't be in the trouble they are today.

So, we say to Woolies babes: get em off! Strip to the waist to save your jobs! Phwor!

27 Nov

 

 
 
 

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Administration Angst

FREE WOOLIES CHEWY PINK SWEET SHRIMP FOR EVERY READER
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)

Damn and Blast, Where Will I Get My Pic'n'Mix From Now Woolies Has Gone Bankrupt?

Now, let me get this straight, I haven't bought pic'n'mix for about 30 years, but that's not the point. The point is if I wanted to buy it where the heck would I be able to?

Nowhere.

That's the bleedin problem.

Good old Woolworths was a happy eclectic mix of stuff, today no more. Or, more accurately, today more, but the administrators have been called in so maybe tomorrow no more, or the day after... It's unlikely they will make it to Christmas. It's a disaster.

Of course, if we were the managers of Woolworths we would have closed this bloody dump years ago. But, oh no they clung on hoping to make ends meet. But ultimately the ends didn't meet and they have collapsed into a heap on the floor just like we told them they would. Repeatedly.

High Streets across the world may never recover. Other shops may even now collapse into the black hole left by Woolworths when it disappears. And it serves them right. Should have gotten in to the internet years ago. Better still, should have invented the internet even.

As for MFI, what a load of piffle that was.

As for Currys.digitial? Are they next? Gotta go, the phone is ringing and it's the lawyers.

27 Nov

 

 

Pic'n'Bankrupt

FREE WOOLIES PIC'N'MIX GOB STOPPER FOR EVERY READER
Dully Mirror (Spoof of Daily Mirror)

30+ Stone Woman To Lose 20 Stones Now She Can't Get Her Hands On Woolies Pic'n'Mix

Fatso Jenny Jafferson, 34, of Chesterton, 28, is to lose over 20 stones after it was revealed she won't be able to steal any more pic'n'mix from Woolworths.

The 28 year old cried when she heard the news last night.

Jafferson would spend up to 3 hours a day in Woolworths eating the pic'n'mix until she would eventually buy an 8 oz bag for £1.25 just before closing time.

Said a store manager of the Chesterton branch: "Jenny was one of our regulars. Shame to think that it is because of her we are now going bankrupt, but that was the wonder of Woolworths."

It is estimated that over 10,000 fat people in the United Kingdom live on stolen Woolworths pic'n'mix.

27 Nov