Britain's biggest bankers have now so little to do they bonk each other all day until it's time to go home.

Offices, which once had desks at which bankers used to make big money deals, are now bonk desks where sex is made.

And if the last recession is anything to go by, the 25% increase in bonking in Britain's banks over the last 6 months is only the start.

A 43 year old banking old timer told this newspaper:

"I remember the recession in 1991 and bonking then, well bankers were bonking each other everywhere. It was like a bonking Beirut here. You had to look where you were stepping or you would tread on a bonking banker. You had to arrange for a meeting room weeks in advance or you might turn up and find bankers bonking there. It was like the return of the Sixties but with shorter hair and sharper looking suits."

Britain To Sing Through Recession

Britain could be about to win the Eurovision Song contest even before the contest begins, that's if the amount of singing in the country is anything to go by.

Britons fed up with the cold weather and interest rates a plummetin, and with depression and terrorism round every corner, are choosing to perform impromptu musicals on the streets, in clubs and at the bus station.

Grease, Mamma Mia and Sponge Bob Spare Pants are just two of the musicals being sung by Britons too scared to look at their bank balances, or pay their mortgages.

When will it end? Not until the fat lady sings. That means we are waiting for Olivia Newton John to reach 20 stones, and that's not gonna happen in a hurry.