In these days of murder hiding 'round every corner, kickboxing is no longer the only way to save your well buffed arse... It's now more important than ever to eat the right stuff!

A mate in the government rang us down the gym and told us that no modern diet is safe anymore - He told our unbelieving selves: "Eat more canned meat, experts say it's a life saver!"

We said: Huh? Whoaaa. Slow down tiger! He said: No, muscley dude, can't, too busy...

So, we went down the supermarket to find out if he was talking a pile of kak or not. And, y'a know wot we found out? We found, in tests with a needle and a vial of deadly bacterial agent, that it's difficult to infect canned goods with meat in them as the needle kept breaking when we tried to stick it in! Sure, you saw that one coming...

But, take a look at the fresh produce section, where Organic cauliflower's and, even, oranges, were just beggin' to be terrorized by us with our well primed needle! Remember: Just a quick infected cauliflower-with-low-fat-cheese could kill, or even worse, could make you lose your skin tone!

So, until the current emergency ends, remember that Organic and fresh produce could easily be turned lethal with one squirt, but a tin of baked beans'n'sausages or pigs liver with onions in chicken gravy will keep you looking buff'n'breathin'.

Tip of the day: Don't be murdered, buy canned goods with meat in them.