The Irish Economy is set to take an unpleasant turn according to top bookies Ladbrokes, as the Irish Minister of Finance literally bet the entire economy on star racehorse Doran's Pride. The bet, which was worth an estimated €4,000,000,000 would have netted the Irish taxpayers a huge windfall of over €2,500,000,000.

Minister looking sheepish after a bad day at the horses

However due to circumstances beyond the Minister's control the horse fell and broke a leg and was subsequently put down.

"This is a tragedy for the Economy," said the Minister. "It seems that the gamble didn't pay off. In the next budget the taxpayer, particularly the PAYE sector can expect to see steep increases in both tax bands as well as hikes in the price of fuel, alcohol and tobacco. There will have to be cost cutting across the public sector. I cannot see how the Government can be expected to honour the Partnership for Progress Agreement now that the Exchequer is facing into a shortcoming of this magnitude. Also we believe that the SSIA scheme will have to be scrapped. There is no such thing as money for nothing these days."

When asked why the taxpayers would have to foot the bill for the cash shortage the Minister replied "Certainly we will have to look at the system to see if this kind of thing can be prevented in the future. I give you my word that if someone is found responsible for this they will certainly pay the price. I have always warned against the danger of speculating on stocks and shares and it seems that the lesson was not learned by someone in my department."

This major setback is only one of several in the past few years. Last year the Department of Health was forced to close 25 hospital wards countrywide after a leading Department Official spent 40% of the Eastern Health Board operating budget on lottery tickets. The return on this investment was only €45,000 on an initial outlay of €15,000,000. The official stated afterwards that he was sorry for the loss of the budget and that "The most severe reprimand would be meted out to those responsible."

Also last year The Department of Transport took a body blow when the Minister's briefcase containing €40,000,000 was snatched from him in Tara Street DART station. This left the department with only €50,000. The Minister commented afterwards "There is hardly enough money to cover the Department's most basic costs. Mercedes Benz limousines, Government jets and trips to Brussels will have to go."

John Lenihan, March 2003