We would like to apologise to our readers for accidentally publishing, here, yesterday, the fully denied, completely 'risible' and, indeed, 'laughable', allegations about Prince Charles that a court order should, in theory, have prevented us from publishing.

If you were one of our readers who read our article, you should immediately turn yourself in to the authorities at once. (As part of our deal with the authorities we have handed over all the DNS numbers from yesterday's readers so it's only a matter of time until they track you down.)

The number to ring is 999. This also applies to all Italians and anyone eating in an Italian restaurant until the allegations are officially in the public domain.

The News of the Werld kicks off our review of headlines from the Sunday papers with its story CHARLES IN CORGI KEBAB HORROR.

Not to be outdone, the Black'n'Blue Sunday Mirror claims: I WATCHED WHILE CHARLES COMPARED HIS WILLY TO AN ORGANIC CUCUMBER!, an old chestnut one of our journalists started at a delightfully arty party at the Tate last year. Champers anyone?

The good old Moan on Sunday has an exclusive interview with ex-Royal valet George Smith (the man who made the Allegations Which Must Not Be Named). In it he says 'not much new'.

Leading off on the broadsheets, The Thun claims Charles ate liver and onions using chop sticks, a shocking event as the Prince is a vegetarian, whilst theTreeHuggian claims Heir to the throne posed nude for Robert Mapplethorpe picture.

Here at The Indigestion we once had a policy of never mentioning the Royals. But it's far too juicy now. Oh, how things have changed. Vive le Republic!