http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk Just the very best jokes found on internet sites or sent to us in email... ) to editor@thevoiceofreason.co.uk) Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:14:41 GMT ListGarden Program 1.02 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BestPhotoGraffitiSigns.htm Ten of the funniest graffiti pictures from various websites... Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:14:09 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BestPhotoEnglishFunnySigns.htm 25 funny pictures found on the internet. Sources attributed if on picture. Mon, 11 Jan 2010 09:46:54 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BestOfTheWorstChristmasCrackerJokes.htm Oh Lawdy... Groany jokes for Christmas... How do hedgehogs make love? Very carefully. What did the Policeman say to the stomach? You're under a vest Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance? They have two left feet. What wobbles and flies? A Jelly-copter. Wed, 30 Dec 2009 11:05:54 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/CaptchaHumour.htm So, you have to prove you are human to the computer... These are actual screen shots from hilarious computer captchas... Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:44:08 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/MasturbationPolicy.htm Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:26:24 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/HeadlineOf2009.htm Pastor Kiweweesi In Bum Sex Scandal - Boy Drags Flashy Man Of God To Police For Terrorising His Buttocks With Monster Whopper Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:11:50 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/Top20PickUpLines-MenForWomen.htm 15. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. 16. Hi! Can I buy you a car? 17. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? 18. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. 19. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. 20. I am a magical being, take off your bra. Mon, 26 Oct 2009 08:07:53 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/FiringSquadBlond.htm Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!''... continued... Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:32:07 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/YoMamas.htm Yo! Mama... so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye... and many many more... Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:17:23 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BeerPrayer.htm Our Beer, Which art in Barrels. Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk, ... Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:50:12 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/PensionersAge.htm An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home. The man turns to the woman and says,"I bet you can't tell how old I am."... Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:49:39 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/WhatIsPoliticsDad.htm A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." Tue, 19 May 2009 08:29:34 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TwoPensioners.htm Two eighty year-old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met. Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 60 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you the thrill of your life." Tue, 19 May 2009 08:29:07 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/FaceLiftHumour.htm A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends £5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a news-stand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the news-stand guy, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" ... Tue, 19 May 2009 08:28:40 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/Accident-PearlyGates.htm Three men were standing in line to get into heaven... It had been a pretty busy day, though, so St Peter had to tell the first one: "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" ... Tue, 19 May 2009 08:28:12 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/WashCloth.htm There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was. She responded, "It's my wash cloth." ... Tue, 19 May 2009 08:27:40 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TheOperation.htm A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. ... Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:14:27 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/IfAtFirstYouDontSucceed.htm One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a Gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." ... Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:13:57 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/FiftyYears.htm A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." ... Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:13:26 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/ThreePriests.htm Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. ... Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:12:54 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/Bump-TributeClementFreud.htm A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. ... Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:12:22 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BobAndStripClub.htm Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time!" Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:36:01 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/200dollarquickie.htm Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..." The girl looked at him, then said, "NO." Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!" Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:35:31 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/ThePatient.htm A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath... 'Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely...... ' A r e-m y-t e s t-r e s u l t s-b a c k ? ' Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:35:01 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BlondeWatchesTheNews.htm A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident. The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!' Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.' After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?' Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:34:31 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TheOstrich.htm A man walks into a restaurant with a fully-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40, please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That' s right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.' Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:34:00 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/Bailout.htm A man was walking down the streets of Washington DC one night. All of a sudden a mugger sticks a gun in his ribs and says. "Give me all your money!" He replied, "Do you realize I am an important member of congress?" The robber said, "In that case give me all my money!" Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:33:26 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TheGameWarden.htm A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm... Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:32:40 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BestOfJokes-Bestdotcom.htm A boy watches his mum and dad having sex. He ask, "What are you doing?" ... Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:17:21 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BigBic.htm Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:16:47 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/HowToGetYourMoneyBack.htm A woman goes into Tesco and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:16:21 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/ALittleOldManWalksInTo.htm A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:15:44 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TwoBlondes.htm A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:15:17 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/BlindSalesAssistant.htm A very refined lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. As she doesn't know which one to get, she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:14:46 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/EnglishOfficialLanguageOfEU.htm The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:14:20 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/RectumStretcher.htm While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (30 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:13:56 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/TwoItaliansTalking.htm A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:13:29 GMT http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/OldLadyExposesHerself.htm An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:12:54 GMT