The UK's Voice of Reason

[Daily Moan] The Sun Found Dead In Wapping Age 47

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 17:37:04 GMT

The Sun newspaper has been found dead in a building in Wapping, it was 47 years old.

[Daily Armstretchograph] Is This Equation Wot Caused The Financial Meltdown?

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 17:36:27 GMT

Financial smarty pants were left bejazzled last night following allegations an equation caused the financial crisis.

[The Thun] Letters To The Editor

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 17:35:48 GMT

Dear Sir,

I read in your mostly excellent organ that David Cameron 'thumped his fists on the desk' when demanding that his NHS reforms go through. Sounds unlikely - it doesn't sound much like him at all. Dave is more of a tennis player. I heard he took tennis balls into the cabinet meeting and whacked them at his cabinet opponents foreheads. Get your facts right, Timesy.

Yours, Lord Gorgeous George (friend of the Cameron's)

Swansea University - How To Use A Toilet, 11th Febraury 2012

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 12:58:15 GMT

Swansea University - How To Use A Toilet, 11th Febraury 2012

[Daily Armstretchograph] Motorists Who Got Caught In Snow Storm Are All 'Complete Useless Wankers', Says Traffic Official

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:07:23 GMT

[Daily Moan] HuhneDunnit?

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:07:01 GMT

Boinking Cabinet Minister Chris Huhne fell on his sword today after the District Attorney called out an APB for his arrest.

[The Thun] Letters To The Editor

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:06:37 GMT

Dear Sir,

I caught the rather excellent David Beckham on Jonathan Woss's show last night. Why can't they recycle Fred Goodwin's knighthood and give it straight to Beckham? Are this government interested in recycling or not?

Yours, Sherry Golightly

Ebay Daily Deal Email error - Fancy a Hoody for £10,000?, 30th January 2012

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:01:31 GMT

Ebay Daily Deal Email error - Fancy a Hoody for £10,000?, 30th January 2012

[Daily Armstretchograph] Greece To Default On It's Debts In Elaborate Plate Smashing Ceremony

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:45:17 GMT

The delay in Greece's announcement that it is to default on a massive debt pile has been delayed while an elaborate plate smashing party is planned, we have discovered.

[Daily Moan] Banker Who Was Off Sick All Last Year To Get £3mn Bonus

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:44:46 GMT

Herbert Frobiesheer, head of insider trading at the Plumb Bank, has been awarded a £3mn bonus even though he didn't turn up for work once last year.

Letters To The Editor

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:44:17 GMT

Dear Sir,

Thank heavens Celebrity Big Brother has finally ended. Now I can go back to eating chocolate and farting outrageously as I wait for my bedtime.

Yours, Jane Cruntlefingers

Cameron Throws Weight Behind Campaign To Change Fred Goodwin's Whole Name

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:15:34 GMT

Pressure has been growing to get Fred Goodwin's knighthood removed for years, but now the prime minister has thrown his weight behind a group who wants to get Goodwin's whole name changed to something really embarrassing, like Mad Pillock, Fred Flintstone, or Big Willy.

US Election 2012: Are Americans Baldist? When Was The Last Time They Elected A Sexy Bald President ?

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:15:15 GMT

When was the last time the Americans elected a bald president? Our Celebrity Political Correspondent Jenny Moaner-Kingsmith investigates.

Take a quick look at all the Presidential candidates hoping to stand against Barack Obama and it's like you had walked into a male grooming catalogue.

Letters To The Editor - Sherlock Holmes Death Special

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:14:51 GMT

Dear Sir,

Sherlock Holmes threw a dummy of himself off the building and then ran down to lay in the exact position the dummy fell, deflating the dummy and putting it in his pocket. He took some drugs to stop his heart, making the hospital think he was dead. But he regained consciousness before his funeral, replacing his own body in the coffin with the dummy he had thrown off the building. Elementary.

Yours, Benedict Cucumberpatch

Beepgate: Prominent TV Chef Arrested After Failing Tesco Self Service 'Beep!' Test

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:02:39 GMT

Beepgate: Tesco's shares crashed 16% today following news that it had arrested a famous television chef who used a self service checkout but failed to make it 'beep!' correctly.