Top Ten Jokes - Edinburgh Fringe 2009 (PG) - As judged by digital TV channel Dave.
1 Dan Antolpolski – "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"
2 Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'
3 Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."
4 Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West."
5 Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
6 Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
7 Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"
8 Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble".
9 Dan Antopolski – "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."
10 Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) – "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."