Appraisal
Special (PG)
A list of assessments written on annual job appraisals:
1.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate
is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change
whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth
in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions
of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving
a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far and
the sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest
knife in the drawer.
11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard
wasn't watching.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
14.
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
15.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
16.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
17. Bright as Alaska in
December.
18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ
tests.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Fell out of the family tree.
21. Gates are
down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
22.
Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking for it.
23. He's
so dense, light bends around him.
24. If brains were
taxed, she'd get a refund.
25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have
to be watered twice a week.
26. If you give him a penny
for his thoughts, you'll get change.
27. If you stand close enough
to him, you can hear the ocean.
28. It's hard to believe
he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
29. One neuron short of a synapse.
30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
32.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
33. Since my last report,
this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
34.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Original
source: Newsnight daily e-mail
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