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George Carlin Classics (PG)

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK… so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

There are three religious truths:

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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