How to shower like a woman, and a man...Woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry baskets according to lights and darks. Man: Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Woman: Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Man: Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making a "wey hey" sound. Woman: Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. Man: Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut, look for pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror. Woman: Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone Man: Get in the shower. Woman: Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Man: Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). Woman: Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Man: Wash your face. Woman: Condition your hair with Cucumber and Jojoba conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes Man: Wash your armpits. Woman: Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Man: Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. Woman: Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Man: Wash your privates and surrounding area. Woman: Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off). Man: Ensure you leave "special" hair on the soap bar. Woman: Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Man: Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). Woman: Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you freeze / roast Man: Make a shampoo Mohawk. Woman: Turn off shower. Man: Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. Woman: Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Mould and Mildew Remover. Man: Pee (in the shower). Woman: Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Man: Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the bath the whole time. Woman: Check entire body for the remotest sign of a blemish. Attack with nails/tweezers/Stanley knife/sander/power drill if found. Man: Partially dry off. Woman: Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. Man: Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self again. Woman: If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. Man: Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. |
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