Woman | Man |
Take
off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry baskets according to lights and
darks. | Take
off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. |
Walk
to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way,
cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. | Walk
naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her
making a "wey hey" sound. |
Look
at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can
complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. | Look
at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut, look for pecs. Admire
yourself in the mirror. |
Get
in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah
and pumice stone | Get
in the shower. |
Wash
your hair once with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins. | Don't
bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). |
Wash
your hair again with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins. | Wash
your face. |
Condition
your hair with Cucumber and Jojoba conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes | Wash
your armpits. |
Wash
your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. | Crack
up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. |
Wash
entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. | Wash
your privates and surrounding area. |
Rinse
conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure
that it has all come off). | Ensure
you leave "special" hair on the soap bar. |
Shave
armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
| Shampoo
your hair (do not use conditioner). |
Scream
loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you freeze / roast | Make
a shampoo Mohawk. |
Turn
off shower. | Pull
back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. |
Squeegee
off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Mould and Mildew Remover.
| Pee
(in the shower). |
Get
out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in
super absorbent second towel. | Rinse
off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left
the curtain hanging out of the bath the whole time. |
Check
entire body for the remotest sign of a blemish. Attack with nails/tweezers/Stanley
knife/sander/power drill if found. | Partially
dry off. |
Return
to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. | Look
at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self again. |
If
you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to
bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. | Leave
shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. |
| Leave
bathroom light on. |
