How to shower like a woman, and a man...
Woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry baskets according to lights and darks.
Man: Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Woman: Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
Man: Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making a "wey hey" sound.
Woman: Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
Man: Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut, look for pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror.
Woman: Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone
Man: Get in the shower.
Woman: Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Man: Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
Woman: Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Jojoba shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Man: Wash your face.
Woman: Condition your hair with Cucumber and Jojoba conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes
Man: Wash your armpits.
Woman: Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Man: Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
Woman: Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Man: Wash your privates and surrounding area.
Woman: Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Man: Ensure you leave "special" hair on the soap bar.
Woman: Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
Man: Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
Woman: Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you freeze / roast
Man: Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Woman: Turn off shower.
Man: Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
Woman: Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Mould and Mildew Remover.
Man: Pee (in the shower).
Woman: Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Man: Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the bath the whole time.
Woman: Check entire body for the remotest sign of a blemish. Attack with nails/tweezers/Stanley knife/sander/power drill if found.
Man: Partially dry off.
Woman: Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
Man: Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self again.
Woman: If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
Man: Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.