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Boris Boris Boris

FREE 'BORIS FOR PRESIDENT' BADGE FOR EVERY READER
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
Binge Drinkers Blamed For Boris Johnson Vote

Binge drinking is to blame for the election of Boris Johnson as London Mayor, we can now reveal.

Pubs across London held happy hours and all you can drink in an hour for £2.50, to voters, some over 4 times the legal voting limit, before Tory campaigners collected them and took them to polling booths before closing time at 10pm.

Johnson, who was above Livingstone on the voting slip due to reasons of the alphabet, was previously believed to be unelectable because of his over-the-top flyaway haired buffoonery, but now he has the chance to prove that he isn't a buffoon at all starting with an annual £11bn budget.

This is all thanks to the voting pattern of pissed Londoners who may only now be starting to realize what on earth it is that they have done.

But all is not lost. It is believed that Boris dresses himself in the morning and occasionally he even combs his own hair.

David Cameron was seen holding Boris's hand last night as crowds cheered.

Seven people fell over, all of them British.

Permanent link
4th May

Boris Boris Boris VI

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theVoiceofReason.co.uk
4th May

Lyttelton Lament

TOO SAD TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY TODAY
Treehuggian (Spoof of The Guardian)
Legend Humphrey Littleton, Littyleton Lyttelton Dies All Of A Sudden

Humphrey Lyttelton, host of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue since 1971, lost his battle of wits yesterday, he was 86.

He first came to prominence in the 1940's as a jazz musician. Louis Armstrong once complimented him on his lips.

He will be sadly missed.

Humprehy Lyttleton

Permanent link
26 April

Teacher Trouble

WHAT SHAPE TITS HAVE YOU GOT? GUIDE FOR EVERY READER
The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)
They're All NUTs!
Strikeatorial

How long will it be until NUT, the National Union of Teachers, realise that their initials sound really stupid?

"It sounds like they are all Nuts to me" said a guy who came into the office to fix our photocopying machine, and he is right.

The whole problem could all go away were they to rename themselves NUOT.

The fact that they haven't ever thought of doing this just shows what complete tossers they all are. Probably too busy going on holiday, as usual.

24 April

British Bailout

FREE GORDON BROWN CHATTERING TEETH INSIDE TODAY
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
Why Oh Why Oh Why Did The Bank Of England Give £50bn To Banks?

The Bank of England gave £50bn to banks this morning. It's a disgrace!

£50bn, enough for 50 hospitals that cost £1bn each, was gobbled up by greedy banks looking for money from innocent taxpayers.

And if that wasn't enough for the greedy banks, the Bank of England said it could offer as much as £100bn.

£100bn?

That's enough for £1000 for every man woman child and family pet in the country! Buggering hell.

Permanent link
21st April

Brown Down

FREE SURVEY OF CORONATION STREET INSIDE TODAY
FT spoof
68% Of Population Have No Confidence In Gordon Brown's Handling Of The Economy

Meanwhile, according to the same survey, c22% say they are 'somewhat' confident, compared to c6% who are 'rather' confident. And the difference between somewhat and rather is...?

Dictionary definition of somewhat: rather. (American Heritage Dictionary)

Dictionary definition of rather: somewhat. (American Heritage Dictionary) !!! Definitions found on dictionary.com

(Click to enlarge)

14 April

Connietroversy

FREE 'TIBET SLAP' FOR EVERY PROTESTER FROM OUR STRIKING JOURNALISTS OUTSIDE OUR OFFICES TODAY
Daily Stir (Spoof of Daily Star)
What Do We Want? More Money, When Do We Want It? NOW!

The journalists here at the nation's favourite Daily Star continue to strike for more money.

In the meantime, yesterday, in London, some fit young woman was wrestled to the ground when she refused to let go of an Olympic Torch she was carrying at the time. Unfortunately she had all her clothes on and nothing was ripped of during the wrestle.

In other news, journalists at the Daily Star are not being paid enough. Desmond has offered us an under inflation raise which is an insult to us and our families.

Free The Shannon 5!!!

7th April

B to C

FREE POO AND WEE IN A POSH LOO FOR EVERY READER, INSIDE TODAY
The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)
Brown: "I Will Rename Cannabis To Bannabis"

Gordon Brown is to rename Cannabis to Bannabis, in spite of expert opinion that the drug should continue to retain its 'C' first letter.

A druggie told this journalist: "Just changing the first letter of Cannabis to Bannabis would have no effect on its usage. At best people buying their drugs will remember to ask for Bannabis from their drug dealer, but, even if they forget it, it is likely that drug dealers themselves will remember that Bannabis used to be called Cannabis so when someone asks for whatever they will give them the same thing."

An expert told our undercover reporter: "Renaming Cannabis is not the answer. No. The answer my friend is blowing in the wind."

3 April

T5 Trouble

FREE STOOL SAMPLE BAG FOR EVERY READER
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
Ten Dead In Terminal 5 Bloodbath

Scenes of carnage, including women biting the fingers off airport staff, men punching old women in the face, and drunk teenage alcoholics sitting watching and laughing, marred the second day of operation at T5, Heathrow.

"Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, it got worse. There's no telling how bad it could get from here, it's the worst disaster since Buggery."

An optimistic, if a little old, traveler, confided to our reporter: "It's not pretty here today, but if you remember the D-day landings were a complete disaster at the time, it was only after they threw so many men at the problem that it sort of sorted itself out. Looking on the bright side, all I can say is: Fuck BA and fuck all their employees."

Permanent link
Mar 28

 

 

 

 

 

Boris Boris Boris III

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BBQ (Spoof of the BBC)
Boris Johnson is New London Nightmayor

The blonde bombshell has done it, beating Ken into second place.

A high ranking Tory spokesman told the BBC: "Boris is one of the most intelligent men I know."

Reporter: "So why didn't you put him in your shadow cabinet when you were leader then?"

To which the high ranking Tory answered a different question.

4th May

Boris Boris Boris II

FREE MUSIC VIDEOS FROM PDCOMEDY.COM FOR EVERYONE
theVoiceofReason.co.uk
Londoners Give Satirists Best Gift In Decade, Says VOR Editor

A warm thank you from theVoiceofReason to all Londoners who voted for Boris Johnson.

This is the best satirical gift imaginable. Boris even beats George W Bush for his awkwardness when in public.

Johnson, who will be Mayor in the crucial months leading up to the Olympics which come to town in 2012, is guaranteed to be a laughing stock throughout this time. Thanks again.

Me, the editor of theVoiceofReason, told myself earlier today: "This shows the great generosity of the London people. Boris Johnson is a satirical gift that will keep on giving."

4th May

Last Laugh

FREE DVD OF ANOTHER CRUSTY OLD WAR FILM AGAIN
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
Humphrey Lyttelton Is Dead, It's A Disgrace

Humphrey Lyttelton, genial host of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue", and British jazz legend, has died. He was 86.

We never liked Jazz, far too 'be be di bob boooo diddly dee' for us. Oh no.

Humprehy Lyttleton

But we will remember him as the extraordinarily hilarious host of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, in which he starred alongside other British comedy legends Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor.

As a final tribute his funeral cortege will follow the route dictated by the 'Clue' game Mornington Crescent. He will be sadly lost.

Permanent link
26 April

NUT Allergy

FREE DVD OF SOME CRUSTY OLD WAR FILM AGAIN
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
NUT Out On Strike? It's A Bleedin' Disgrace

It may only be a 24 hour strike, but in fact teachers were only out for 6 hours today, which is just bloody typical for a profession who gets more holidays than the whole of Fleet Street put together.

It's about time NUT realise what a disgrace that they are. Not only are their initials an insult to those with a mental health problem, they are also an insult to peanuts, cashews and pecans.

NUT must learn to stop whining about a pay deal already agreed by an independent body and get back to work, such as teaching is. Bloody slackers the lot of em.

Permanent link
24 April

Nut Case

FREE WORLD CUP 2008 FLAG FOR EVERY READER
Daily Stir (Spoof of Daily Star)
NUTS, THE LOT OF 'EM

NUT's teachers went out on strike today leaving children, some as young as 5, alone and in anguish as to what they did wrong.

Crying, some for as long as all day, children were left to their own devices in classrooms with only a cup of water for solace.

This must stop: NUT are nuts if they think this can go on.

And as this day-long strike ends, the prospect remains for another one. Next time they might not be as lucky. Or are they just Nuts to think they can get away with it?

24 April

Bunch of Bankers

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BBQ (Spoof of the BBC)