DIM ANDREW NEIL LIVE FROM THE GARAGE ON GOB NEWS LAUNCH NIGHT
GOB News - Parody of GB News

Fat Milo Presents: What The Hell Is Going On?

What is going on? Nobody tells us do they? I say we have to fight here on the brilliant new anti-woke GOB News.

They are not going to take away our God given right to eat Kitkats in groups of 30 inside a house. But just you watch when they illegally extend lockdown for they'll say four weeks but it'll be forever, you mark my words.

And they don't tell you of the thousands of Brits like you and me who have died during lockdown.

And what is the point of them telling us all to wear a face mask when everyone knows 30% of all air that comes out of our bodies comes out of our bottoms. Why don't they tell us to wear bottom masks? Funny isn't it? But they don't tell us do they? Typical.

And what about this taking a knee thing? Why don't they take both knees? No other network is asking these questions are they? It's half hearted anti racism like that that makes my blood boil.

The anti-woking continues.

Correction: In yesterday's opening show television's legendary inquisitor Andrew Neil looked like he was presenting his show from a garage with the light bulb broken. We are happy to say we have now replaced the light bulb with a more powerful one so next time you see him you will be able to see him. Thank you for watching.

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Daily Excited - Daily Express

Boris Brilliant In G7 Breakfast Banger Bust-Up

The brilliant Boris defended his country against foreigners at the G7 today when they attacked him at breakfast this morning.

French President Emily Macron waved a croissant at the prime minister and said you only have yourself to blame for agreeing the Northern Ireland protocol.

Best ever Boris put a sausage in his mouth and while munching sang God Save The Queen in the French guy's face. How remarkable. We can't imagine Sir Lord King Keir Starmer doing the same. Good old man of the people Boris.

Lord Frost was given the job of supplying Boris with sausages during breakfast in what many woke idiots think was a dig at Europe for stopping us selling our sausages to Northern Ireland. But it wasn't. Boris just loves a banger. That's why we love him.

Luckily Boris had eaten all the sausages by the time England won the football

In other news: It's coming home.

Also In Today's Paper:

85 Year old Pensioner says he will take the knee if someone can help him get up afterwards

Queen Tells Megarry: Zip It!

10 Things To Do When GBNews Buffers Online

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Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

OK I obviously completely disagree with the taking the knee thing, but what is this standing against racism thing and how is that different from standing normally? Are they expecting me to object to them standing next? Because I will. I have my lips pursed to boo and everything.

Yours, Sir Humprhey Bumpkin

Dear Sir,

Am I getting this right. Boris Johnson negotiated and signed the Brexit treaty that included the Northern Ireland Protocol and now is saying the Northern Ireland Protocol is unworkable rubbish? Well what's the problem then? Do you know how many times someone in politics really cocks something up and you never get anyone admitting to anything. That''s why I like Boris

Yours, Jackie 'Puddin' Taylor

Dear Sir,

Did I dream it or did Charlie Dimmock play football in the Euros the other night? I sat down to watch the Denmark Finland game and fell to sleep after about 15 mnutes and had a dream Charlie Dimmock was out playing in her shorts? I woke up and there was only 20 minutes left to play.

Yours, Berry Goodwin, 89