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GOB News - Parody of GB News

Director of GOB news programme accidentally takes knee after falling over

GOB news has to report an incident this morning in which a director of one of our news programmes accidentally took the knee for a brief moment or two, but not longer than a minute but was out of sight from the cameras.

In the ensuing investigation the incident appears to have happened when he tripped over a cable in the studio. The director, 37 stones, fell forwards onto his face and when getting back up again onto his feet he briefly got his knee up and was readying himself to go back onto two legs but took a breather because he was still in shock. At no time did he say black lives mattered.

We have decided in this case to suspend the director for two weeks. We sincerely apologize to all our viewers here at GOB News who were angry at the incident when news of it was reported on social media. We will make sure it does not happen again.

Correction: In an interview with a man dressed as Adolph Hitler we may have given the impression that he was a doctor administering vaccinations to screaming people who had been tied up. We are happy to set the record straight that literally nothing was right in that interview.

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Daily Excited - Daily Express

Anti-Vaxer's Mother's Dog Runs Away After She Is Vaccinated

Sherileen McVirlog, 34, a prominent anti vaxer who spoke at that London thing at the weekend, says she tried to get her mother to not have a vaccine but she wouldn't listen to her, and look what happened next.

Her mother, Maureen McVirlog, 68, returned home after being vaccinated and Butch, 5, her dog, took one sniff of her and ran out through the door and hasn't been seen since.

Maureen tells our reporter: "He's scarpered and I can't find him."

Sherileen says her children are now scared to sniff their grandmother and no longer want to go round. Maureen says she had agreed to look after Macey, 7, 's guinea pig at the weekend but those plans are now in disarray. "I feel like I have been put into isolation by my family just at my moment of peak immunity," said the grandmother.

Also In Today's Paper:

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TIPS HOW TO SWEAR ON THE TELLY AND GET AWAY WITH IT: STOP SAYING COUNTRY AT CERTAIN POINT THEN SAY THE WHOLE WORD. WORKS EVERY TIME
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Has anybody else noticed that when one kneels for prayer in church it is virtually impossible to do it without taking the knee albeit temporarily before doing so? I have been diving both knees down into the cushion since the Euros just to make sure I don't make any inappropriate statements but to be honest my knees are sore and my back hurts when I have to flip back up again on to both my feet again. Any ideas? I am 104.

Yours, Maurice Johnson

Dear Sir,

I have had all five of the approved vaccines and I can tell you now I have had no side effects whatsoever apart from I have suddenly become very sexually attractive. Unfortunately that also includes to house flies, cats and dogs. Do you remember at school when someone shouted bundle and everyone jumped on? Well it feels something like that.

Yours, Harry Hearty

Dear Sir,

I subscribed to Netflix the other day to keep up with all this new technology malarkey. I don't want to be one of these old people who are left out of it. Does anybody know how I turn my computer on?

Yours, Babs Smith