Archive for 2014

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December 2014

NHS A&E system in 'intensive care', warns senior MP + Seth Rogen Invited To North Korea + Letters To The Editor

Government To Allow Jam Donuts To Be Included In 5-A-Day + Chris Rea Having Family Round His This Year + Letters To The Editor

Pub Karaoke Singers 'Must Pass Breathalyser Test' + People Who Eat With Their Mouths In Restaurants Should Do It In The Corner Out Of Sight, Says Farage + Letters To The Editor

Is This The Line Of Code That Grounded Flights Last Week? + First Draft Screenplay Of Next James Bond Movie Appears Online + Letters To The Editor

Murderer's Brain Goes Missing + 2014 Set To Be Fastest Ever + Letters

How Do You Say These Russian Banks? Have Your Say, Festive Special + Poundland Christmas Lights Wishes Customers 'Merry Shitmas' + Letters

UKIP Member Bought "Jaw-Dropping" Christmas Gifts + Baldness breakthrough: Researchers find skin signals that sparks hair growth in mice + Letters

November 2014

Banks told to pay for own dry cleaning following custard pie attack by regulators + Poll: Ed Miliband Less Popular Than Hitler + T-Shirt Special

Black Friday: Fat People Get 75% More Bargains Than Thin People + MP Says C*ck In Speech And Nobody Notices For 17 Months + Letters To The Editor

Ed Miliband 'Sort Of Like A Geeky Incredible Hulk When Angry', Claims Source + Rochester Kitchen Sink Thwacks Cameron In Mush Like Boomerang + Letters To The Editor

Man In Scary Halloween Costume Rescues Swimmer + Man In Full Scary Halloween Suit Makes Baby Laugh + T Shirts Special

Osborne Halves Bill Again In Angry Phone Call After Europe Phones Up To Double It Again + Bacon Sandwich Alliance Calls For Ed Miliband To Go + George Osborne EU Bill 'Negotiation' T-Shirt Special

Are Western Governments Secretly Force-Feeding People To Make Them Obese? + Is Russell Brand About To Say FLOCCINAUCIN-IHILIPILIFICATION? + Russell Brand Blue T-Shirts Special

Lord Snooty Takes A Taxi Ride Trips 1-4 + Letters To The Editor

Was The Tiger 'On Loose' In Paris Just A Man In A Tigger Suit? + Kim Kardashian's Bottom Ignored In Band Aid 30 Recording + T-Shirt Special

Witchetty Bug Quits I'm A Celebrity + Did Hotel In Blackpool Anticipated Making More Money Out Of TripAdvisor Fines Than Rooms? + Letters To The Editor

October 2014

EXCLUSIVE: Ed Miliband To Change Name To Max Miliband + EXCLUSIVE POLL: Only 0.5% Know Cheryl's Name Is Now Cheryl Ann Fernandez-Versini + Letters

Angela Merkel's Dog Tears Apart Gift David Cameron Gave Her + UKIP To Endorse Fawlty Towers Hotel Chain + Letters

Is This Jumping, Human Head Size Spider, The Scariest Thing In The World? + Should Wonga Change It's Name? Have Your Say + Letters

Human Rights Act Should Not Apply To People Over 6ft 5in, Says Tory + Offensive Top Gear Car Left In Argentina + Letters

What If The Jogger Who Bumped Into Cameron Had Been Wearing A Velcro Suit? + Dougie Watson 'Suspended' From 'Essex Wild Boys' For Being Too Wild + Letters

First Poltergeist To Buy New Stuff From Shop Before Throwing It Found + MP Who Refuses To Do Up His Fly To Step Down At Election + Letters

Stage Pet Psychic Wins Critics Over + Offers Election Debate To The Jim's Of All Major Party's + Letters

Twitter Troll Applauded For Positive Comments On Judy Murray's 'Strictly' Dance + Twitter Troller Hired By Management Training Agency + Letters

Intruder Jumps Over White House Fence And Redecorates A Room Before Being Arrested + Microsoft Scraps Windows 9, Launches Windows 10 Instead + Letters

September 2014

Prime Minister Throws Kitchen Sink At Scotland + 'Britain's Flag Without Scotland's Blue Bit Will Look Doolally', Says Ex General + Letters

Nude 'Leaked' Pictures Had Been Cleared By Security Services And Were 'Safe' + Picture Leaks Included Fully Clothed Boring Pictures Too, Claim Hackers + Letters

Tony Blair Blocked George W Bush Trip To Stonehenge, Fearing He Would 'Push Them Over' + Jack The Ripper Was European Immigrant, Notices UKIP + Letters

Queen Did Not 'Purr Like An Actual Cat', Admits Cameron + Has David Beckham's New iPhone 6 Plus Bended? + Letters

Westminster Leaders Confirm Scotland Will Get 'Devo Mad Max' As Promised + SCOTLAND GETS MOTHER OF ALL HANGOVERS + Letters

Scotland Set To Get Drunk + Gordon Brown: 'Read My Ears - No Thanks' + Letters

Two Out Of Control White Guys Shock Tories + SWOONEY CLOONEY NO LONGER ALONEY + Letters

Prime Minister Uses 'New Scottish Accent' + Can Nick Clegg's Fluent Scottish-English Save The Day? + Letters

August 2014

Emergency Reality Star Alert System Finds Star Alive + Obama's Tan Suit To Get Own TV Series + Letters To the Editor

As Commonwealth Games Ends, The Everyone Else Games Begin , Midlands Woman Disappointed With 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer, Letters To the Editor

Greggs: 'Our Customers Are Not Scum', "It's Far Too Ruddy Cold For The Ice Bucket Challenge In This Country" Claims British Reality Stars, Letters To the Editor

How To Attract The Man Of Your Dreams: Wear Red And Be Hot, Says Expert, Kindle Readers At Risk Of Finger Amputations, Claims Traditional Book Seller, Letters To the Editor

Scientists Create First Ever Invisible Dog, UKIP Member Tells Candidates To Copy Hitler Impersonator's Style, Letters To the Editor

Alex Salmond To Set Out Plan B, Kent Council Dismisses Israeli Tunnel Demolition Contractor, Letters To the Editor

Manchester United Lose Ice Bucket Challenge, Jeremy Clarkson Calls Own Children, M** ***kers, Letters To the Editor

Scotland: Yes Campaign Flip-Flops On Trident, Joan Rivers Face Explodes, Letters To the Editor

Student Proves Why Chicken Crossed The Road, Joan Rivers Face Explodes Again, Letters To the Editor

July 2014

2nd: Man Dies Of Laughter While Tweeting #AskThicke + Twiglets Get Twitter Account + Letters To The Editor

6th: Yeehargh Games Update + Joey Chestnut Wins Hotdog Eating Competition, Jimmy Hotdog Wins Chestnut Eating Competition + Letters To The Editor

9th: Brazilian President Says, 'At Least It Wasn't 8-1' + Airports To Offer Spectacular Controlled Explosions Of All Electronic Devices That Don't Work + Letters To The Editor

13th: Obese Patients To Be Treated With 'Special Food' + App That Calculates Naked Selfie From Fully Clothed One Slammed + Letters To The Editor

16th: Can They Build A Lego Tower To The Moon? + Was Cameron's Reshuffle An Attempt To Bury Bad News? + Letters To The Editor

Was one of the 'three bare burglars who burgled beef' a bugler? + Most Dinosaurs Were Like 'Gigantic Tweety Pies', Say Scientists + Letters To The Editor

Drinking And Driving To Be Made Legal By 2015, Says Government + Advertising Agencies Who Create Erotic Advertising Campaigns Could Be Placed On Sex Register + Letters To The Editor

"I Am Not The Fake Sheikh," Claims Shakin' Stevens + European Leaders Agree To No New Statues Of Vladimir Putin + Letters To The Editor

Sugar Maker Loses Wrongful Death Case, Plaintiff awarded $23.8bn Punitive Damages + Here's How To Get An All Over The Body Tan Without Taking All Your Clothes Off + Letters To The Editor

June 2014

1st June: Spottez le Difference? + Election 2015: MP's To Go On 'How To Eat A Bacon Sarnie' Media Training Course + Website Set Up To Make It Easy To Search For People Who Make 'Forget Me' Request + Letters To The Editor

4th June: Which Is More Fattening: A Life Size Chocolate David Cameron Or A Life Size Chocolate Nick Clegg? Have Your Say + Number Of Right To Be Forgotten Requests Reaches 67 Million + Letters To The Editor

8th June: Big Brother Exclusive: "I'm More Intelligent Than Joey Essex" Claims Michael Gove + "I'll Bend It Like Beckham in the BB House" Says Look-a-Likie Housemate + Letters To The Editor

11th June: George Osborne To Play Part Of Ewok In New Star Wars Film + Mufti, The Psychic Chihuahua, Predicts England To Win World Cup + Letters To The Editor

15th June: Phil Neville's Voice Hypnotises Thousands + Prime Minister Criticises Bashful + Letters To The Editor

18th June: World Cup: Shock As South American Footballer Runs 10 Paces Without Falling Over + Top 10 Values That Show You Are British + Letters To The Editor

22nd June: Price Of Official England World Cup Scarf And Woolly Hat Sets Plummet + Supermarkets Hope Expected 'Feel Good' World Cup Windfall Will Turn Into 'Feel Bad' Windfall After Early England Exit + Letters To The Editor

25th June: Did Andy Coulson Think David Cameron Asked Him About 'Phone Hucking'? + Luis Suarez To Play Hannibal Lecter In Uruguay Version Of Hannibal + Letters To The Editor

29th June: Senior Conservative Says Anagram Of Juncker Is "Jerk Nu C" + Biscuit Company Announces The 'Juncker Dunker' + Letters To The Editor

May 2014

1st May: ITV's Good Morning Britain To Include 'More Whooping And High Fiving' As Ratings Fall + What Is Your Favourite Version Of "Eeny Meeny Miny Mo"? + Letters To The Editor

4th May: North Korea's 'Jeremy Clarkson' Disappears After Outburst + Everybody Asking Jeremy Clarkson What He Thinks About Jews + Letters To The Editor

7th May: Eurovision To Replace Null Points System + Most Entertaining Days Of Coalition Still Ahead, Says Stripper + Letters To The Editor

11th May: Putin Challenged To Grow A Beard 'Just Like Conchita's' + Scottish Independence Would Lead To Even Longer Eurovision Song Contest, Warns No Campaign + Letters To The Editor

14th May: Calls For BBC To Apologise For All Stupid On Air Mistakes + Nobody Wants To Share A Lift With Solange Knowles Any More + Letters To The Editor

18th May: Biggest Dinosaur Ever Discovered Would Have Stood On You And Not Even Noticed, Says Expert + Reward Offered To Make Nigel Farage Cry In Interview Rises To £25,000 + Letters To The Editor

21st May: UKIP's First Vicars And Tarts Street Party Descends Into Farce + What Does Your Favourite Movie Star Think About When They Work Out? + Letters To The Editor

25th May: UK Ready To 'Totally Take The Piss' In Europe, Poll Says + Farage Challenges Miliband To Spaghetti Eating Contest + Letters To The Editor

28th May: Gust Of Wind Reveals Royal Kate's Bottom For Second Time + Nigel Farage Puts Too Much Tomato Sauce On His Chips, Claims German + Letters To The Editor


April 2014

2nd April: "If You Can Eat 7 Vegetables A Day There's Nothing Wrong With You," Claim Researchers + Your Clegg vs Farage Debate Deux - Phrase Odds - Betting Special + Letters To The Editor

6th April: LibDems To Investigate 'Distant Pings' Of Election Interest Picked Up Offshore + Grumpy Cat To Debate Nick Clegg + Letters To The Editor

9th April: Irish Doctor Who Meets His Match + What Was Your Favourite Monty Python TV Sketch Of The 1970s? Have Your Say + Letters To The Editor

13th April: Open Home Dentistry®™ Software Users Affected By Heartbleed Bug + What Was Your Favourite Pierce Brosnan James Bond Moment? Have Your Say + Letters To The Editor

16th April: Fiery Ball In Sky Enchants Nation + Users Of Windows XP Report It's Still Working + Letters To The Editor

20th April: "I Offered To Urinate On British Prime Minister's Arm," Says Tourist + Cornwall Lifeguards To Be Instructed How To Resuscitate David Cameron + Letters To The Editor

23rd April: Blondes Have 0.2% More Fun Than Brunettes, Study Finds + World's Fastest Elevator Will Be Safe, Says Engineer + Letters To The Editor

27th April: Savers Told To Remember Security Numbers Of Notes Deposited With Banks Before They Can Get Their Money Out + Secret BBC Email Reveals Series Of Mumbled Programmes Were Planned + Letters To The Editor

March 2014

2nd March: Is David Cameron's Daily Head Slapping Workout Making Him Sad? + It Is Time For Family Of English Soldier Who Didn't Shoot Injured Adolf Hitler In WW1 To Apologise For WW2 + Letters To The Editor

5th March: Alan Sugar Presumed To Be In Uproar Over Sugar Tax Proposals + How Crazy Was Your Art Teacher? + Letters To The Editor

9th March: Sugar 'As Bad For You As Semtex Explosives', Says Latest Research + Chat About Ukraine More Popular Than Sexy Chat On Russia's Most Popular Adult Chat Website Last Week + Letters To The Editor

12th March: Internet Makes 25, But Will It Make 50? + Internet Reaches Middle Age + Letters To The Editor

16th March: Crap Hits Malaysian Fan From Four Directions At Once + What Is George Osborne Hiding Up His Sleeve For The Budget? + Letters To The Editor

19th March: Scientists Let Rip Over First Big Bang Ripple + Pound Coins To Be Replaced With Old Thruppeny Bit + Letters To The Editor

23rd March: Rugby Star's Angry Wife Corrected For Writing SCUM On Husband's Jag, 'Should Have Read SCRUM' Confirm Expert + Conservative Party Elder Says He Likes A Night Out Of Bingo And Beer + Letters To The Editor

26th March: Farage and Clegg Debate: How Boring Will It Be? + George Osborne Fails In Bid To Win Game Of Bingo + Letters To The Editor

30th March: Scotland To Have New Currency 'The Poond' Which Looks Like The Pound After Yes Vote, Plans Revealed By Secret Cabinet Member + Movie Hardman Reggie Humprhries Admits He Sings Like A 'Little Girl In The Shower' + Letters To The Editor

February 2014

2nd February: Ron Weasley Divorces Hermione Granger, Says JK Rowling + Violent Vomiting Closes Popular Telly Chef's Restaurant + Letters To The Editor

5th February: Has Justin Bieber Died? Fears Grow As No New News Stories For Last 24 Hours + All Residents Of Benefits Street Get Jobs As Executive Producers In Telly + Letters To The Editor

9th February: "I Will Sort This Pickle Out," Promises Pickles + Immigration Minister's Cleaner Never Saw 'Go Home' Van In Driveway, Claim + Letters To The Editor

12th February: Leo DiCaprio's Acting Ability To Be Tested As It's Revealed He's Won Best Actor Oscar Three Weeks Before Envelope Opened... + Eric Pickles' Lunch Tab To Go On The 'Money No Object' Bill + Letters To The Editor

16th February: Scotland Should Put On Really Nice Catering If It Wants To Join Europe, Says Important European Negotiator + "It Is Time To Stop Putting Dots Above Little I's" Says Teacher + Letters To The Editor

19th February: Former Editor of The Sun Doesn't Know How To Use Capital Letters Shock + 5 Things You Didn't Want To Know About Curling + Letters To The Editor

23rd February: David Bowie Calls For Curling To 'Stay On The Telly' + Cabinet To Meet As Far Away From Somerset At Possible + Letters To The Editor

26th February: Supermarkets Should Be Made To Apologise To Fat Customers As They Enter Store, Government Advisor Says + Independent Scotland Would Lose England's Joie De Vivre, Says Minister + Letters To The Editor

Iphone 4S with Flappy Bird - Only £6mn on Ebay... Genuine screen shot 11th Feb 2014

January 2014

5th January: England's Ashes Strategy 2012-13 Leaked + How To Get A Full Refund For Your Sky Ashes Coverage + Letters To The Editor

9th January: Dennis Rodman's One Man Band Plays The Birdy Song To Kim Jong-un + Hare In John Lewis Christmas Advert Arrested Under Operation Yewtree + Letters To The Editor

12th January: Fish Fingers Named BBC Retro Convenience Food Of 2014 + Brussels Supports Harry Stiles' Newest Tattoo + Letters To The Editor

15th January: Police Search Justin Bieber's House For Eggs + Eggs Found In Justin Bieber's House + Letters To The Editor

19th January: New Audio Reveals Guy Burgess In Cabaret + UKIP Councilor Blames British Floods On The French + Letters To The Editor

22nd January: Russian Winter Olympics Latest: The Two Man Looge + Association Of Surly Barmans Union Applaud Attempt By Member To Arrest Tony Blair + Letters To The Editor

26th January: 507th F Word Found In Wolf Of Wall Street + Genetically Modified Purple Flashing Tomatoes Heading For Supermarkets + Letters To The Editor

29th January: Is Your Daily Workout Making You Fat? + Sunday Mirror Knew How To Hack Phones But Still Had Worse Stories Than News Of The World, Jury Told + Letters To The Editor