Funny bad joke cavalcade... (15)

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a saltedA priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here. A Dyslexic man walks into a bra...A seal walks into a club...


A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to the barman. Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables. He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?" "Yes" the old man replies "do you want a pint?" "No, ta. I've got one 'ear."


A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."


A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The man says 'A premature ejaculation ''What?' says the woman. The man says 'I've just come in my pants'

A man goes into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm.

He asks 'Do you sell fish cakes here?'

'No' was the reply.

'Shame, it's his birthday.'


What do you call a Russian man with 3 testicles?



A friend of mine is knocking a pair of twins. I asked him how can you tell the difference? That's easy Carol's got big tits and Dereck's got the big cock!


This bloke was having sex with an enormous women. He asks "Can I turn light off?" She says "You a bit shy love?" He says "No, my arse is burning."


A woman in a coma is being washed by a nurse. The nurse notices some reaction when she touches her vagina! She tells her husband maybe if you give her some oral stimulation she might come around! He goes in the room, comes out 20 minutes later! Nurse asks how it went? He says she choked! Joke from Aussie Tank


I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an openfoyer."There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in tendifferent puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."